Standing O or Hell No: Golden Globes 2018

Roger that, Hollywood!  We hear you loud and clear.  What surprised me the most about last night's Golden Globes was not the overwhelming adherence to the all-black dress code or the fact that the show lasted 3.5 hours but, instead, that Hollywood remained UNSWERVINGLY on topic all evening.  The awards were an after-thought and sadly the fashion was a thought even after that.  Listen, I support this message because I honestly (and sadly) do not know a single woman (and many men) who cannot say #MeToo (whether she voices it publicly or lives with it inwardly).  Everyone's story varies in degree and severity, of course, but in my experience every woman has some story.  That, to me, is a heart-wrenching reality and deserves the focus it is currently being given.  But let us be clear, this banding together is not a condemnation of all men by any measure.  It's easy for that to become the take-away; However, that would lead to a dismissal of a worthy cause which would be a mistake.  There are so many bright and shining examples of male strength and humility and support out there and they should be celebrated and emulated; And yet still there remains a need to shake the bad apples from the tree.  (Can someone help me down from my soap box now?? These stilettos are kinda high.)

All that to say that as much as I support the out-ing of these flagrant monsters, I must also stand in solidarity to protect the fashion.  For me, a pin or a ribbon would've carried the same message and the fashion would not have also stood victim.  Admittedly there were many pretty dresses but overall I was underwhelmed.  Personally I derive levity and buoyancy from fashion and color and so the all-black turn out, despite doing what it intended to do, was just too somber for me.  Which, of course, was the point.

Let's take a closer look at those who executed best on the all black theme.  One of my overall favorites of the night was Catherine Zeta Jones (above).  ROYALTY.  This women is approaching 50:

She took my breath away in this Zuhair Murad. I typically would not be enthusiastic about a sheer-bottomed gown but CZJ owned this look.  Her body is exquisite as is her skin and HER HAIR!  Perfectly feline.  Standing O!!  (Also, note the use of emerald jewels which was a pervasive theme on last night's carpet.)

Here's another well-executed variation on the sheer theme:

Before last night I would've said there was no universe in which I'd nominate a sheer-bottomed dress, with boy shorts beneath, as a best-dressed contender.  And yet.  Kate Hudson is radiant in Valentino.  In my perfect world the bottom would not be see-through but from waist-up she looks so divine I have to give her a Standing O.

 

When rumors began to circulate of an all-black dress code, it was predicted we'd see many women in trousers and tuxedo-like outfits, which we did.  And yet Alexis Bledel's Chanel leaf-topped pantsuit was a happy surprise for me.  She looks elegant and lovely and completely on point.  Standing O!

Allow me to highlight one of those bright and shining examples of strong, humble, supportive (and GORGEOUS) men:

The fact that I can't find a full-length photo of Common is a crime.  He looked magnificent as usual and I adore that he wore a dragon fly on his lapel, which symbolizes change - specifically change in perspective.  Bravo, Common, Standing O!

 

I love that Zoe Kravits used this all-black moment to wear a simple and tailored gown in order to highlight the stunning architecture of her perfect face.  (Note the appearance of emerald earrings again - these providing her a perfect frame.)  Keep in mind this post is not order specific - Zoe was one of my most favorites last night.  She is lovely to a heart-stopping degree.  I cannot peel my eyes away.  Standing O!

 

Sartorially, I typically feel most aligned with Diane Kruger.  I love that her intrinsic fashion sense is classic yet she is always modern and never afraid to take risks while always being overtly feminine.  In short, she resides near the top of my girl-crush list and the way she looks in this Prada bolsters her standing.  Speaking of standing: Standing O!

And speaking of girl crushes, I can simply never ignore this woman.  She is one of my true loves:

Penelope Cruz's Ralph and Russo is pretty if derivative of a thousand other red carpet gowns.  But Penelope the woman is a remarkable beauty.  Standing O for transcending this dour color and looking luminous as ever!

 

This photo is priceless because it's a two-in-one.  Both Octavia Spencer and Jessica Chastain look stunning individually and as a team are even more effervescent.  Standing O!

 

Gal Gadot in this simple but perfectly tailored Tom Ford was the portrait of sophistication.  Her classic red-lip and updo were exactly what this outfit called for.  She looks sublime.  Standing O!

As a bestie of mine rightly pointed out, I need to pay homage to the over 50 crowd because they were killing it last night.  As the finest representative of that set, let's collectively admire an absolutely electric Helen Mirren:

Standing O!

And finally, while this is not my favorite dress (wish it was long and didn't have bell sleeves) who among us would not want to stand up in front of a room full of our peers looking like this:

Halle Berry defies age and apparently gravity.  One more view so we can adequately admire her timeless body.  I mean beauty:

If I had those legs I'd also don a mini-dress.  Every.  Single.  Day.

 

 

Christmas Shopping: The Untold Story

A few days before Christmas my husband took the kids out to a few stores so they could do some shopping of their own.  They were heavy into the Christmas spirit this year and really wanted to GIVE (At last!!  A glimmer of hope that that they will turn into thoughtful people someday!)  To prepare, they thought long and hard about each person they were buying for and became determined to nail their selections.  Apparently my 5 year old was feeling a little indecisive about what to get me.  She cycled through a few ideas but wasn't satisfied.  Lip gloss? Nah.  Headbands? Good but not perfect.  Until they stopped at Barnes and Nobles and, as it was reported to me, the decision made itself.  Apparently her eyes alighted on a book cover (featured above) at which point she swiped it off the shelf, handed it to her father with full confidence stating, "Here daddy.  THIS is PERFECT for mommy."

I'm hoping she felt this way because, in her eyes, I'm as glamorous as Beyonce and not because she feels I'd like to wear a sequins body suit with hip extenders sewn into it.  Either way I love it and can't wait to tear into it.  I'll be sure to report back on any and all pearls (diamonds?) of wisdom.  There's no doubt they will be boundless.  Sorta like the platforms on those heels she's sporting.

 

I'm sorry: I went to see Is Fashion Modern

I have a confession to make: I went to the Is Fashion Modern exhibit at the MoMa without you.  I know I know I know!!  You wanted to go.  In my defense, it was a last minute thing and I found myself in midtown and I meant to just run through and return another time with you, but then I found myself anchored in front of each piece unable to move.

Another confession:  THE EXHIBIT IS EXQUISITE!  It's so very good that I had to overcome my shame in going without you and bring myself to confess because even if you don't forgive me, the more important thing is that you GO TO THE EXHIBIT!  It explores everything from the idea of the Little Black Dress - an ancient go-to as it turns out (above) to technological accessories like the Walkman.  The latter was particularly fascinating because it explored the piece as a tool used to defend the wearer against public interaction which is called Existenzmaximum.  Triple points for an exhibit that makes me feel prepared to play Trivial Pursuit!

Also of note - I came face to outerwear (?) with the original sleeping-bag-coat as designed by one of my fashion heroines, Norma Kamali.  For me, this was like being in front of the Mona Lisa sans glass shield.  Ta-Da!:

The excerpt near this piece was especially delightful because it is a recount by Norma of the time she went camping and had to get up to go pee in the middle of the night; As she was running into the woods with her sleeping bag wrapped around her for warmth, she thought to herself I need to sew arms into this thing! Lo and behold, she did just that, and to her great notoriety.

Another enduring image below.  This look by YSL is just as relevant today as it was in the 70s:

I sense I am now in the territory of committing yet another crime - that of spoiler alert.  Therefore, I will quit revealing tidbits post-haste.

Ok - stop being mad already and just go see this gem.  It's running through January 28th.  And, as an added bonus, you can stop by the exceptionally moving Louise Bourgeois exhibit also running through January 28th.  Here's but one amazing image of her famous spiders to entice you...

Who among us does not want to don a cape?

Last week I was just trolling along (the internet) minding my own business when I was accosted by this Alexander McQueen flared cape dress.  She was so boldly confrontational - I mean, look at that stance!  Typically I'm not one for drama unless that drama comes in the form of a cape and then I am ALL IN.  As you can imagine, we tussled, she won and now she's in my closet.  I barely stood a chance.  I need to remain vigilant at all times or she might stab me in this back:

I feel as if this particular struggle will be enduring, yet I'll find a way to make my peace with it.

The Therapeutic Pumpkin

Halloween is shaping up to be terrifying this year - but not for reasons you might guess.  My list of Halloween Horrors 2017:

  1. Having a meeting in the epicenter of Halloween shenanigans: the West Village (I have one tomorrow!)
  2. The general lack of courteousness and, more to the point, SOBRIETY in the West Village
  3. The general lack of Ubers in the West Village

I have a secret fear that I will get down there and not be able to get out due to the expected bedlam in the neighborhood.  Everyone takes to the streets under the guise of watching or participating in the parade but really it's just an excuse to get wasted and fall down in the middle of an avenue.  I am wearing sneakers and I will be prepared to run if need be - whether from ghouls, from ghosts, or from a bevy of young girls in "sexy nurse" costumes.

I have attempted to suppress my fears by turning to something I find very calming and therapeutic - pumpkin carving (AKA Styling a Pumpkin).  I know this will shock many of you considering I am not one who has ever been able to CRAFT on any level with any medium.  However, pumpkins and I understand one another.  They are surprisingly yielding if you have the right tools; I wish I could say the same for the West Village.  Alas, this year I fell in love with an image of a unicorn and executed the above pumpkin.  No stencils were used in the making of any of these pumpkins:

My cute sisters came over for the carving session and turned out the two beauties on either end of mine.  Tomorrow, no doubt, I will be drawing upon the Zen act of creating these.  Happy Halloween, dear readers.  I wish you loads of candy, and most of all, a detour away from the West Village.

 

Bottega Veneta and the Art of Glam

The other day my bestie texted to say how much she's been hating fashion ads lately but that she both LOVES this Bottega Veneta ad as well as the outfit it features on Grace P Cheng.  I am in whole-hearted agreement.  That which I love here:

  1.  The fact that Bottega Veneta's F/W 2017 collection is overtly and unabashedly feminine
  2.  The subtle but powerful use of texture (the brocade bag, the fur-shouldered blouse, the accordion pleat skirt, the whip-stitch gloves, the chained pin)
  3.  The completely current color combination of black and gold and cognac
  4. Grace Cheng's FACE.  And hair.  And attitude.  And general awesomeness.

Bottega Veneta has been killing it lately by embracing cold-hard glamour.  Last night they sponsored the Hammer Gala and rolled out these ultra-glam A+ looks:

Why boots are the security blankets of adult women

Many MANY things can go awry in the course of a day but if you find yourself kicking it in your favorite boots somehow you feel impervious to these outside forces.  Boots are like krypton.  More accurately, boots are like a woman's security blanket.  There is something so satisfying and comforting in the way boots embrace your legs (if they are tall) and envelope your feet.  What is not to love about a footwear that HUGS its wearer?  Not to mention that they provide heat when the temperatures dip and, as we all well know, coziness equals love.  I'd be hard-pressed to identify a woman who does not get PUMPED to shop for boots each fall.  In fact, it's the number one thing I've been discussing with my female clients this month: which ones, what heights, and which colors.  The good news is that there exist so many correct formulas.

One detail I am demanding this fall is a covered heel.  I don't want a stack nor do I even want a novelty heel.  I want that bad boy to blend and provide an ultra sleek aesthetic.  Case in point is the Aquazzura Brera Tall Boot in tan featured above.  This boot is my number one favorite at this moment for its simplicity, color, and heel.  Let it be known that I have seated myself front and center on the tan/cognac bandwagon that's been cruising around. It is my preferred neutral of this season.

Another current favorite:

That studded Y is for YASSSSSSSSSSSSS PLEASE!  And also for YSL obviously.  More specifically the Saint Laurent Studded Grace Knee Boot.

If you're in the market for a bootie...

 

this little lady is stealing my heart.  Look at that demure pose! She's so lovely.  And the patent leather covered heel?  Dreamy!  This Stella Luna Ruffle Trimmed boot needs to become part of my life this fall.  And perhaps yours as well?

Lastly, but not leastly (?!), I am FEELING a white boot:

These Gianvito Rossi Laura Knee Boots are so OF THE MOMENT.  Please, Forces of the Universe, let it come to pass that I wear these very boots as soon as possible paired with my white shadow mink fur coat.  Is that too much to ask from you?  (Don't answer that question.)

Standing O or Hell No: Emmy Awards 2017

It's officially awards season and I'm officially swooning!  Thank you, good ladies of the Emmys, for giving us something to DISCUSS:

First bullet point - Zoe Kravits of Big Little Lies in Dior (above).  The degree of complexity on this dress is HIGH.  On the wrong girl this gown would read Fraggle Rock but on Zoe its transcendent.  An excerpt from a text I sent to my SISTER-girl, Venessa:

Girlfriend looked like a 2 year old cut her hair then slapped Vaseline in it and she's still a straight 10.   Standing O, Zoe!

 

THIS dress.  This DRESS.  THIS DRESS!! I would not have pegged this as a Calvin Klein but sometimes his genius prevails.  The rhinestone elements are making it necessary for me to breathe into a brown paper bag.  Not to be negative but I would say that Nicole's head has looked more perfect in other applications but obviously she is still killing it here.  Maybe it's just that her hair is a wee bit limp.  No matter: Standing O!

 

I rarely think that pants are as effective as a dress on the red carpet but this is the clear exception.  Claire Foye in those rhinestones and shoulder cape are winning on the red carpet and at life in general.  Standing O!

 

Yara Shahidi in Prada makes me long for my youth.  Her skin looks like the night stars are shining from within her.  The dress and belt are the things that dreams are made of.  Standing O!

 

One thousand points for Effective Use of Color.  Viola Davis wearing this orange Zac Posen is an image I will be holding on to when it is cold and dark and I need something to comfort me in a time of deep distress.  Standing O!

There were so many good looks but people I HAVE A DAY JOB and my clients are waiting.  Not to end on a sour note but wha-wha:

 

Remember that time of deep distress I mentioned moments ago?  Witness Ariel Winter.  Hell No!

Wardrobe Whisperer Reviews NYFW: Spring 2018

It's NY Fashion Week PLUS there are about twenty million other red carpet events happening concurrently.  I am seeing runway shows in my sleep.  Steam is coming out of my ears because my brain is churning so hard.  Luckily my internal CPU is powered by red wine and I am happy to report that there's no shortage of that around here.

For the sake of efficiency I'm going to synthesize NYFW Spring 2018 Ready to Wear (to date) by plucking out a few of my favorite looks and putting them forward haphazardly. For instance, cast your gaze upward at Gigi Hadid in Tom Ford.  This is what the future looks like in my head: modern yet distinctly feminine.  The draping on this piece is exquisite.  Onward:

 

Reem Acra had a strong showing. It pained me to have to choose one look so let's consider this gown a representation of all that was glorious in this collection.  And there was much glory indeed.  Head over to Vogue.com to see the full slideshow.

 

Somewhere deep in the heart of every girl is the desire to wear this exact Carolina Herrera dress during the day and this one in the evening:

 

Side note: Apparently my version of NY Fashion Week is mostly about gowns.  I'm okay with that view.  Clearly:

 

This reminds me of when you order a hand-shaved ice and they pour the cherry syrup on top and you salivate as you watch it spread across your chilled treat.  And, yes, I'd like to wear said chilled treat in the form of this Oscar de la Renta confection.

Next...

 

I want to pick her up and twirl her around.  Then I went to wrestle her to the floor and steal her Rosie Assouline frock.

The J Mendel show was DELICIOUS:

And it also included tons of fur accents.  At this juncture I am going to press a finger to my own lips indicating I should speak no more and simply allow J Mendel's tremendous looks to communicate...

 

 

Market Watch and Wardrobe Whisperer talk watches

Whether or not it is intentional, your watch communicates things about you.  Leslie Albrecht from the Wall Street Journal's digital finance site, Market Watch, asked me to translate what is being said.  (Keep reading, mom, most of my quotes are in the last third of this article):

This accessory makes people feel dominant in business negotiations

Celeb Sighting: Jenna Lyons (YES she is a celebrity)

A few days ago Jenna Lyons passed me in SoHo.  That I recognized her registered on her face and resulted in her picking up her pace ever so slightly.  Which makes me think I may have a latent stalker vibe (?!?) to which I've been blind.  I began feverishly texting my friends, as one does when one has latent stalker tendencies, to report this majestic sighting.  A few of the responses I received:

  1. WHO is that?!
  2. Oh my gosh - I LOVED her in The Office.
  3. Channing Tatum's wife?

Answers to the above:

  1. The former creative director and president of J Crew widely credited for reinvigorating the brand as it was slumping in the early 2000's.  She is a Damn. Fashion. ICON.
  2. That would be Jenna Fischer.
  3. That would be Jenna Dewan Tatum.

So what if no one else found this sighting as glorious and serendipitous as I did, I still wanted to chase her down to grill her (LATENT tendencies!).  Her rise to fame is fascinating to me.  Yes: FAME.  She began as a junior designer in 1990 and ascended not only to the highest ranks but became the de facto face of the company.  When word of her departure was released, it was reported that the decision was mutual.  That is code for: tumultuous but suppressed.  To quote Seinfeld: "It was the first mutual break up in relationship history!" Which is to say break ups are rarely ever mutual; And I suspect this one follows suit.  In any case, I would like to end with an open letter to Jenna:

Hi Jenna,

It's me, the stalker you saw on Broadway and Prince, AKA the Wardrobe Whisperer.  PLEASE for the love of all that is good and holy write a tell-all book immediately.  That is, if you're not already penning said book which I'm certain you must be.  It would be a completely missed opportunity to keep us in the dark.  I require details.  Please start from the beginning of the end.

Thank you,

WW

 

In It to Pin It

A few years back I was hired to style a finance expert who regularly appears on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC, Bloomberg, etc.  What I learned while working with her is that, although they supply commentators with nada wardrobe-wise, these networks are relentless with their wardrobe requests.  One news giant (allow me to be evasive) was particularly unscrupulous and would send direction of this flavor: "Please no pants, and wear shorter skirts." It's worth noting that after this appeal, they switched their format to round-table (vs behind a desk) to ensure lots of leg-shots.  Good times.

While all were guilty of putting the "direct" in direction, typically the organizations had more reasonable (and less exploitative) requests.  For instance, a different news outlet that shot primarily from the torso up asked this client to distinguish herself by creating a "signature look."  For her, this was akin to receiving a wedding invitation that specified "garden casual attire."  The point is that people who are not stylists rarely want to think that hard about what they need to wear.  My immediate instinct was to try incorporating a brooch/pin into her look because I couldn't remember ever having seen a commentator wear one.  My go-to, of course, then and now is Alexis Bittar.  The lucite pins we chose were a HUGE success and not only garnered kudos from the network, it registered in her viewer appeal ratings.  Which leads me to the point of this post: YOU TOO SHOULD WEAR PINS.  As evidenced by my experience, they are NOT for old ladies only and ARE an easy way to distinguish yourself from the masses. Lucky for you I recently previewed AB's stunning fall collection I have identified next season's IT pin.  It's a diamond-encrusted snake acting as the pistil of a lucite flower and it is to die for (above).  No link yet as it has not yet been released but will be soon!

Wimbledos and Wimbledon'ts

As a parent of two small fries, I've been trying to embrace the "teaching moment." Recently while in the grocery store my four year old and I crossed paths with a woman who had bathed in perfume moments before causing Lilli to shout, "Mommy! WHO STINKS?!"  It was obvious to me this was a teaching moment.  Clearly the lesson was to lower your voice so you don't get caught saying what you really think.  Wait a minute.  On second thought, maybe the lesson was supposed to be to not say unkind things?! Damnit!  I never claimed to be a pro.  I'll tell you who is, though - Kim Clijsters.  Not only is she a pro at tennis but she is also a pro at life.  She recently took the teaching moment to new heights during one of her matches at Wimbledon.  She had a heckler that was so obnoxious he moved her to invite him onto the court to face her.  As is well known, at Wimbledon one can only play in all-whites and this man hadn't the proper attire. Undaunted, Kim grabbed a skirt from her bag and made him stuff himself into it.  Unsurprisingly he was unable to follow his own technical advice and failed in spectacular fashion on the court while looking like a sausage personified.  Needless to say, he got schooled.

While we are on the topic of teaching moments, allow me to use the Royals at Wimbledon to illustrate a few lessons I've been forever preaching.  Namely:

  1. Embrace prints (points to both Kate and William for this and also that random third Royal)
  2. A textured tie, like Will's knit, is a welcome change for a warmer season
  3. I can and will kill for Kate's hair
  4. Everyone looks hotter in sunglasses (take note random third Royal and, also, please tear that bow from its perch)

Witness:

What to wear sky diving

At least once a day, every day, I'm consulted on what to wear while doing/attending SOME thing.  Typically that thing is not sky diving but this past weekend it was; And the question came from within.  The instruction given from the facility was to wear comfortable clothing and lace-up sneakers.  In my world comfort is trumped by a million different factors and therefore I don't own multitudes that would fit that description.  In the end I chose a pair of black and hot pink Nike athletic pants that I wear to play tennis in the cold plus a black tank top and Adidas Stan Smith sneakers.  Little did I know that this look would NAIL IT.  Apparently sky diving culture embraces and exults extremely loud, tight, printed pants.  This was verified by one of the instructors who approached me as if I was a veteran flyer (this was only my second time) based solely upon my bottom half.  Needless to say, I felt triumphant, despite the fact that I was uniting myself with folks in some of the ugliest pants I have ever seen in my life.  No matter: when in Rome.

Loud, tight, printed pants was but one of two trends that I identified on Sunday.  The other happened to be the no clothes or bikini bottoms only sky diving trend.  This raised so many questions for me, not the least of which were:

  1. Who is slated to wear the issued harness after said harness was rubbing the sensitive areas of the naked sky diver?
  2. And if that next person is slated to be me, will the harness be cleaned in some fashion?
  3. And, more specifically in WHAT fashion?
  4. And how thoroughly?

This was scheduled to be a rated G sky diving adventure to celebrate my dad's 72nd birthday and yet these were the questions and the imagery with which we we were confronted as a family.  I've faced many things with my father and siblings through the years but naked folks jumping out of planes in our full collective view has not been one of them.  Until now.

Here are those pants I mentioned:

Somehow the debate about men's shorts rages on

I was pumped about summer vacation for exactly 72 hours until:

  1. I spent 48 of those 72 hours applying sunscreen to tiny necks and backs
  2. "Bored" became a leader in my kids' vocabulary
  3. Spontaneous fist-fights erupted in my house at regular intervals
  4. Littles began waking up before 6am, despite black out curtains, because the sun somehow still peeks through

People, it is not even real summer yet.

In addition to the above list of affronts, the debate about men's shorts seems to have extended beyond what Linette Lopez and I tackled a few years backAs Quartz confirms, there are an increasing amount of folks who take the position that men should never wear shorts. I consider that an extreme opinion and wish to defend the right of men to regulate their body temperatures as best as they can.  I understand that in places like England shorts are abandoned as part of the right of passage into manhood but here in the good old USA, shorts are hugely relevant (case and point: New York City in the middle of August) and are part of American culture in much the same way as denim.  To me, the problem is in the execution not in the garment itself.  This goes back to our cargo shorts debate (which, by the way, was published a full year BEFORE the Wall Street Journal took on the same topic and got a TON of media attention for it).  Basically too often we see men wearing oversized, overstuffed shorts and, in effect, ruining it for everyone else.  If men would, as a whole, commit to wearing streamlined styles like, for example, the Theory model pictured above, I don't think shorts would have such a bad reputation.

I'm sure I will get a million texts and emails saying that flat-front shorts don't work on every body type but in fact they do work on most.  If your waistline doesn't support them then let's not blame the garment.  Put down that fifth beer and back away.

Standing O or Hell No: The Tony Awards 2017

I can point to many times in my life when my tendency towards stream of consciousness has gotten me in trouble.  For instance in my Goldman Sachs days, while attending a productivity seminar, the presenter asked the group for our understanding of "posting." My hand shot up.  (It is important to pause and note that I had been riding motorcycles with my brothers the previous day.)  I blurted out that posting is when you are on your bike and go around a sharp turn and kind of drag your foot a little bit.  She looked at me with the pure disgust I clearly deserved considering my answer was solid proof I had been daydreaming for the whole first hour. I find myself in a similar predicament today as I try to conjure up something relevant to say about the Tony Awards because, confession: I don't pay attention to Broadway either.  I know that, to many, that is akin to admitting I don't like puppies or ice cream but it's true; And its reality is preventing me from both recognizing the attendees AND from writing anything that has to do with this particular awards show.  What it is NOT preventing me from is commenting on the outfits NOR from (stream of consciousness alert!!) singing every Tony! Toni! Toné! song I know (especially Feels Good) because they've all been running through my head on repeat ever since I realized the Tonys were showing last night.

I AM A LIVING NON-SEQUITUR.  Here I go again...

The primary thing that struck me about the Tony red carpet was the sheer number of patterns worn.  My heart was aflutter!  Ask any of my female clients my feelings on a patterned dress/gown and they will dutifully repeat two words: HIGH VALUE.  Such is the voluminous Zac Posen (above) worn by Liu Wen.  I feel that if Rebecca Taylor met Zac in a dark alley she'd find a way to punish him physically for coming up with this design first.  Standing O!

Fortunately for me I sometimes dabble in unsavory television programs like UnReal from which I recognize Denee Benton.  (Hot damn that show is GOOD.  The premise makes it sound like trash but the production value is high.  Trust me.  Or if you don't trust me, the proof is in its Peabody Award.)  The production value of this Oscar de la Renta is also high.  It's unusual and lovely and is super fun against that background.  Standing O!

 

Rachel Chavkin's marvelous dress in one word: MOOD.  Standing O!

 

Badgley Mischka gets top marks for this splendid black and white print worn by Laura Osnes.  My only edit to this look would be to trade up for a bright red lip.  Otherwise she is perfection.  Standing O!

 

While not technically a pattern, Chrissy Tiegen in Pamela Roland is supreme.  She's had so many successes on the red carpet this year and can count on me to keep cheering her on!  Standing O!

 

And one more for the non-patterned but severely stunning category: Cynthia Erivo in custom CG Studio.  Standing O!

 

It would be criminal - CRIMINAL - to rob you of your chance to ogle a handsome and perfectly turned out gentleman like David Oyelowo.  Enjoy.  Standing O!

Oh what the hell - we have time for two!

Standing O, Orlando Bloom!  Always.

 

WW with Business Insider: How to wear a dress shirt

Men, when the proportions of your dress shirt and trousers make you look like a mushroom, it is time to rethink your strategy.  Luckily for you, Linette Lopez and I sorted things out for Business Insider in a few easy-to-follow steps.  See our latest collaboration here:

Gentleman, a few things to keep in mind about your dress shirt

Standing O, Hell No, or So-So: Cannes 2017

Apologies for interrupting a show already in progress: The Cannes Film Festival.  But I continue to receive a multitude of texts to the tune of:

"Cannes you please stop everything and blog some dresses?"

Faithful readers know I am incapable of ignoring a pun and so I will jump in late with a mini-review...

A few years ago I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in 20 years and her belly was protruding; So confident was I in my assumptions that I sang out "BABY!!!" and rubbed her stomach only to part ways and later discover she was NOT pregnant.  I had a similar overwhelming confidence when I viewed Nicole Kidman's silver frock above.  I would've sworn it was a Gucci then learned it's a Rodarte.  I need to quit being so cocky.  As I'm working on that, let's call this So-So and move on to this:

Like Glenn Close in Basic Instinct, this Michael Cinco dress WILL NOT BE IGNORED.  Rightfully, it should not be ignored, for it is a wondrous thing. Witness Aishwarya Rai from this vantage point:

Standing O.

Speaking of vantage points...

When I was a child I remember being told that Satan takes on many forms. That frightened me.  Clearly I had no idea what true terror lurked out there because this Alexandre Vauthier hadn't yet been designed.  It seems a fitting time to evoke Hell as in Hell No.

 

If Versace needed to update its resume, my suggestion would be to simply insert this photo of Uma Thurman. The technical fashion term "amaze-balls" comes to mind here.  What also comes to mind is Naomi Campbell wearing another version of this dress to the Golden Globes and also killing it.   Standing O.

A few things a stylist "buys" on a Monday

I'd rather swim all day in a heavily chlorinated pool with my eyes and mouth wide open than to sit for an hour in Starbucks.  I'm not sure what lies within the fumes of their coffee but each and every time I go there I stagger out nauseated and in need of fresh air. It's the closest spot with free WiFi and has outlets galore, though, and so there is no end in sight to my suffering. That intro has nothing to do with actual fashion, only my efforts to write about fashion. Which, in this environment have been seriously hampered.  So allow me not to tax my brain (or airways) further.  Let's just look at the items that I helped people buy today.  It's much more fun (and less toxic):