Standing O, So-So, or Hell No: MTV Movie/TV Awards

It's a universal truth that if you attend an MTV event it is mandatory that you select your outfit from the following categories:

  1. See-through
  2. Micro mini
  3. Replete with sequins and/or gems
  4. Metallic
  5. Skin tight
  6. Confusing

Apparently Cara Delevingne (above) was coerced by Saint Laurent to submit to each and every grouping. However, while I don't typically recommend shaving your head and also matching your lipstick to your boots, somehow her top quarter still looks stunning.  And that, in a nut-shell, is why she is a model.  Overall though: So-So.

Onto my personal favorite: Zendaya

If this Zuhair Murad dress was not entirely see-through then I would have to argue that it was too demure for an MTV event.  However, since her entire body is on full view like a menu in a restaurant window, it indeed satisfies categories #1 and #3 and is therefore acceptable fare.  Standing O!

 

Yara Shadidi's face is absolute perfection.  (Doesn't she resemble Chilli from TLC?!)  She is a glorious beauty but whereas I covet all of the pieces of her Gucci outfit separately, I'm unconvinced that they should all be playing on the same team.  I'm going to say So-So since each component has extreme independent merit and since this ensemble addresses categories #3, #4, and #6 and since I'd abandon all of my morals and good sense to have 1/10 of her natural beauty.

Another entry for "all of the above" :

Ok, ok, the entire outfit isn't skin tight but the pants are.  Don't argue with me.  This insane Balmain concoction is a straight up Hell No.

 

Listen, I LOVE Taraji P and the energy that she always brings to the red (black) carpet.  But even though she has pulled out another A++ hairstyle, I'm afraid her overall look is just a few accessories shy of this:

But still she remains TARAJI-Flipping-P and cannot merit a Hell No.  Instead I will impart a So So.

Standing O, So-So, or Hell No: Met Gala 2017

Throwing a costume ball is always a huge risk considering that the success of the party hinges partially on the creativity of the attendees and their ability to interpret the theme.  Even though Anna Wintour rules the Met Gala guest list with an iron fist (in all likelihood that fist is chain mail), there will always be four classes of people: those who explore the theme and nail it, those who explore the theme and fail it, those who go rogue and do whatever they please, and those who just want to look naked at every event they attend.  (For the last group, my hubs suggested I create a new category: Standing O, Hell No, So-So or Ho.)

This year's theme was Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons: Art of the In-Between. We could talk about this theme exhaustively (please let us!) but I suspect you want to see photos so I'll keep this short.  Rei Kawakubo is first and foremost an artist, clothing happens to be her medium.  She balks at things like conventionality, boundaries, and often beauty and functionality and tends to design interstitial-ly.  This to say that little of her clothing is worn literally (i.e. straight off the runway) however, so much of what we have adopted into our fashion playbooks can be credited to her avant-garde vision.  For instance: black as a fashion color (NY, you should be on your knees), asymmetry, relying heavily on red in design, and wearing oversized garments. Even though you think you might not have ever seen anyone wearing Comme des Garçons, you have.  Any time you see this cute logo, know that is what you are looking at:

OK, back to the Met Gala and the four classes of attendees.  First up, those who explored the theme and nailed it.  Exhibit A: Ri Ri

Not only is Rihanna from the first class of attendees, I think we can universally agree that she won the Met Gala overall.  If you've not already guessed this dress is Comme des Garçons and is actually IN THE EXHIBIT.  Sure it has a huge flower saddle bag hanging off her left side but that, folks, IS quintessential Rei Kawakubo à la her lumps and bumps theme.  Remind yourself, dear readers, this is a costume ball.  Standing O!!

Also nailing it in Comme des Garçons:

This is so on-brand for Helen Lasichanh.  Note: only 8 party goers, including Helen, were brave enough to wear Comme des Garçons.  Standing O!

On to the second class - those who explored the theme and failed:

I'm not going to get too rough here, Katy Perry at least explored the theme in this Maison Margiela look.  She went BIG, she went RED, she went avant-garde, and unfortunately she also went a bit overboard.  I still respect her attempt so I'm going to assign her a So-So.

Ditto Celine Dion in Atelier Versace.  She tried.  Hard.  This is decidedly avant-garde but she is treading in the waters of Hell No.

Gigi Hadid's Tommy Hilfiger is aiming for the "in-between" (gown and suit, masculine and feminine) but reads like a futuristic call girl.  The thigh-high fishnets throw it even further off course.  Hell No.

Third class citizens: those who went rogue.  I will only offer a few examples since this category holds the vast majority of last evening's guests.

Indeed this is a costume but for a completely different party.  This gown should be going to an event that features an abundance of martinis, cigarettes, and fondue.  J Lo's Valentino is lovely and she looks great but even though Valentino is an underwriter of the event, she only gets a So-So for ignoring the theme.

 

What does Selena Gomez's '90's-esque Coach gown have to do with the in-between or avant-garde or art as fashion?  This is not a trick question.  The answer, of course, is NOTHING.  At least if you set out to be a non-conformist, my suggestion would be to wear something undeniably pretty or at the very least interesting.  Hell No.

 

It's true that Miranda Kerr's Oscar de la Renta also has nothing to do with the night's theme but it is achingly pretty and I long to make it mine!!  Standing O for the dress and So-So to Miranda for not adhering to the theme other than to bring a red element into her look.

Last, and in this case also least, are those who attend every event looking naked.  They deserve no more air time and so I will give them a group Hell No and let you decide for yourselves:

Standing O or Hell No: Kendall + Hailey at Coachella

Sometimes I feel sorry for things in my wardrobe because I've neglected to wear them in awhile.  I've come to understand that it's times like these when I am most susceptible to a sartorial misstep.  My fashion empathy (and my tendency towards personification) get the better of me and I lose my ability to edit.  In these instances, whatever the object of my bleeding heart comes along with me and gets tossed into the mix.  Rarely does said object add value and inevitably I'm forced to confront the day regretting my decision. (Side note:  I think I may have displayed this exact shortcoming while dating in my 20s.)  Could this possibly explain why Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin presented themselves this way? I imagine each started with a sparkly bralette, as one does when preparing for Coachella, and then the outfit-build spiraled out of control when random pieces began tugging on their heart strings.  Or maybe they just ingested mushrooms before getting dressed.

As un-supportive as I am of Hailey's outfit, it's Kendall I can't stop staring at.  I'm trying to make sense of it all, like the morning after a rager, and yet I can't find the relationship between any two pieces she has on.  The larger looming question is why she would have any one of these pieces in her wardrobe to begin with.  Each item independently is arrant nonsense and as a team downright egregious.  Hell No.

When A Photo Opp is a Missed Opp

If a picture really is worth a thousand words, I feel confident that the main word would be airbrush. Certainly Melania Trump is an attractive woman but even more than usual her official White House portrait makes her look like the Madame Tussaud wax version of herself.  In no way does she look accessible which, I gather, is the actual point of taking a portrait like this. To me she appears less like a hostess of the White House and more like a bouncer at the SoHo House. Case and point: with her arms tightly crossed she's poised to judge you instead of receive you.

Look, people, this could have been worse. At least she has clothes on.  And those clothes, for all intents and purposes, are appropriate. I just think she could've shed some of the (what appears to be) hostility and imbued a little warmth into this shot. In other words, she could've tried to appear HUMAN.

 

Did you just call me a dominatrix??

Yesterday my new super-cool-client's super-cool-and-ridiculously-smart boyfriend informed me that I practice combinatorics. I nodded in emphatic agreement and then asked what the H that means.  His response was too complicated for me to comprehend let alone remember (EVEN THOUGH I AM CLEARLY AN EXPERT IN THIS FIELD) and so I looked it up.  Combinatorics is a branch of mathematics concerning the study of finite or countable discrete structures in order to achieve optimal objects.  So, when I develop a look-book and create near-infinite (I am also an expert at hyperbole!) outfit permutations based on the finite pieces I purchase with my client during a shop, I am really demonstrating amazing mathematical capabilities. It's no wonder then why I'm sitting here currently waiting for NASA to light up my cell.  As I mull over my genius I believe, therefore, that my new title should be Combinatrix.  It's got a ring to it, yes?  In fact, I'm praying someone asks me to submit a resume for something (anything!!) so that I can showcase this title and skill.  Don't be surprised if each and every one of you is updated regarding (and asked to endorse) both of these on LinkedIn.  DO NOT LEAVE ME HANGING!  In the meantime, if any of you want to casually discuss The Pythagorean Theorem or maybe the Laws of Relativity, you know where to find me (obviously by the phone waiting for NASA).

The Kill Shot: Federer Graces GQ

This GQ photo is nothing if not a testament to the power of allure inherent to Roger Federer.  Who else, pray tell, could convincingly lounge on a fur throw in white sport socks and corresponding tight white short-shorts while cuddling with a tennis trophy AND SPORTING A BLAZER OVER A T-SHIRT SWEATER COMBO?!  Yet somehow I'm buying what he's selling even if that boils down to nothing more than his image.

Now let's get a look at the other photos supporting his I'm-sexy-in-athleisure-image because they are all awesome in their own right:

Snow suit or swim suit? I think you know my answer.

For the briefest of moments this morning I considered acting like a normal mom and going to the grocery store to stock up on bread and milk.  Then I remembered I'm not normal and bought a swimsuit instead.  This beautiful Zimmerman suit to be exact.  I subscribe to the mode of thought that when Life serves you lemons, make lemonade.  Except for future reference, Life, I'd prefer you serve me lemons rather than 24" of snow.  Thanks. Other pretty and forward-looking-suits I considered:

 

 

I chose mostly one piece swimsuits because perhaps subconsciously I'm afraid of being cold; but I understand that this reasoning is akin to my mom wanting to be buried in a mausoleum because she's afraid she won't be able to breathe underground.

Ask Wardrobe Whisperer: Belt + Suspenders?

Recently I was called in to end a family feud.  It was a father/son showdown regarding suspenders and whether or not they should be worn with a belt.  The answer is that both accessories were designed to keep your pants from falling down and so they should not be worn together.  That would, for us ladies, be like wearing Spanx and a girdle.  Or a bustier and a bra.  A decision must be made between the two.  When settling this particular debate I was tempted to add that a person who feels it necessary to wear both belt AND suspenders might also have some deep-seated trust issues.  But then I reminded myself that no one cares about my psychological interpretations of sartorial conundrums.  (But why is this I wonder?  Is it because I don't have a psychology degree?  Qualifications smallifications!  I think we can all agree they are irrelevant and unnecessary.)  So if anyone would like to hear more of my psychological analysis, please do contact me directly.  I'm more than happy to spew all sorts of ill informed and misguided nonsense your way.  In the meantime, let's look at some truly dapper gentlemen who are aware of the no-belt-with-suspenders-rule:

 

 

And no post about suspenders could go without a look in the review mirror at this memorable image:

Standing O or Hell No: Oscars 2017

Emma Stone may be the only La La Land cast member still smiling after that Best Picture blunder. Lent begins Wednesday which is disconcerting to me on many levels (but perhaps not as disconcerting as being told you won Best Picture and then NO! There's a mix up and you, well, LOST and have to slink back to your seat after having already thanked the Academy, the world, and your first grade teacher.)  Back to Lent.

As many of you are aware, during Lent it's customary to either give something up for 40 days or do something extra.  Given the current political climate, I've decided to give up negativity.  However, now that I've imposed a giant looming stop watch onto my fashion critiquing, allow me to purge my negativity while there's still time.   In the spirit of saving the best for last, it seems fitting to begin with this atrocity:

When Dakota Johnson emerged onto the carpet in this Gucci number I emitted a high-pitch squeal that only dogs and ghosts could hear.  Somehow this photo is forgiving her a few sins but note that despite its pretty and appropriate color, this dress was too long, too wrinkled, and most egregiously sported that ridiculous bow.  Toss in the un-glamorous and unflattering hair and the drab make up and you know what you get?  A HELL NO!

Bows should have gotten an Oscar for Leading Nemesis last night.  First Dakota and then this:

I love Leslie Mann.  Love.  She is adorable and funny.  And so I feel agitated that this dress was im-Posened on her.  (See what I did there?  The dress is by Zac Posen and he, well, okay, you get it.)  I don't know if Zac was inspired by the upcoming feature film Beauty in the Beast but this appears to be some weird wrinkled version of Belle's dress.  Hell No.

 

Even the background and carpet are in overt agreement that she should win.

As Lent would dictate, let's turn the other cheek and begin to appreciate all that was good on the carpet last night.  Despite the overall absence of color and heavy reliance on metallics several women still stunned.  But to be honest, I wasn't calling for smelling salts over any one of the dresses.  Instead, my favorite looks were the sum of all parts.  My most favorite (and a perfect example of the equation I reference) was Emma Stone.  She brought so much gravity to her big moment with her flawless hair and make up.  Her Givenchy dress was quite pretty but, for me, it was more about how every element came together. To steal a word from her acceptance speech she was a confluence of old Hollywood glamour, modern beauty, and charisma.  Standing O for her overall look and for her big win!

Speaking of Emma and flawless hair and make up...

Proving that it doesn't hurt to have Julia Roberts in your gene pool.

I wasn't a fan of Emma Roberts's Armani Prive gown and so I won't bother to feature it (and her chest-thong), but her head was perfection and I'd be remiss not to comment on it.  Standing O for her stupendous hair and make-up (and natural beauty of course).

 

Sheer elegance.

Hailee Steinfeld wore an extremely sheer Ralph and Russo dress that was very pretty but would not have bowled me over had her make up and hair not agreed with it so perfectly.  Overall, though, she was luminous and abounded with modern elegance.  Standing O!

 

Don't get me wrong, this black Dior is classic and lovely but it is not earth shattering; And it would not have catapulted Kirsten Dunst onto my best dressed list had she not supplied the incredible body, gorgeous make up and hair, and understated but completely on point necklace.  Standing O for taking a simple look and elevating it to greatness!

 

Who me??

There is something very Alexis Colby about Taraji P Henson in this Alberta Ferretti.  Taraji looks like she could just as easily toss a glass of champagne in someone's face as she could accept an Oscar.  Her gown is elegant but the success of this look is a testament to the attitude which she is bringing to that slit and that neckline.  Bonus points for her new shorter hair - tousled, modern, and gorgeous!  Standing O!

I wasn't a fan of Ryan Gosling's ruffled tux shirt last night yet I cannot callously omit him from my post like the Academy did from the Best Leading Actor win.  So here's a shot from La La Land where his sartorial game soared:

I will take refuge in this photo when mid-Lent my resolve starts to waiver and I feel the urge to dissect a look ungenerously.  With great looks, Ryan, comes great responsibility and you will need to help see me through.

Standing O or Hell No: The Grammys 2017

If awards season is a marathon and the Golden Globes is fashion responding to the starting pistol, then the Grammys is fashion at mile 19 clutching its heart and wondering where all the oxygen went.  Except for a few ladies, most choices seemed to be the product of extreme hypoxia to the brain.

Adele looked exceptional in a green Givenchy (above) nailing fit and color simultaneously.  Also nailing the Big Win.  Standing O!

I rarely like this kind of a thing because it often reads as unnecessarily complicated, but Chrissy Teigen owned this tie up/cut out/sheer/printed gown with fringe on the bottom and feather accents on top.  Ok, I could do without the fringe on the bottom but somehow this is a successful look and I'm not even sure how.  Sheer hotness and force of will?  Standing O!

 

I will admit that there is a slight whiff of Ice Capades around the fabric of this Zuhair Murad gown but overall Celine harnessed her exceptional poise and appeared polished and regal and pretty.  Standing O!

 

It's concerning to me that Tom Ford would callously sacrifice so many Fraggles to make this dress.  It is unconscionable: Hell No!

If you are Rihanna and this is your NIGHT, would you be so torn about what to wear that you'd dress your bottom half for a cotillion and your top half (okay maybe top quarter) for the gym?  No, no you would not.  And Hell No, Ri Ri.

Super Bowl LI: The Halftime Show

While in this outfit, I wish she would've covered that song Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys. I'm of the opinion that Gaga did herself a disservice by incorporating all of those cool drones into the beginning of her performance.  They looked like fireworks, they took the shape of the American Flag, they were a stunning sight!  I felt distinctly cheated the moment the drones took their leave and we had to focus on the actual show again.  Don't get me wrong, Gaga WORKS when she is asked to perform.  She offers up her heart and soul and it is always evident.  But despite her hustle, I felt the performance was anticlimactic.  Typically her voice is so extraordinary that I can listen to her sing most anything but the way she did her mash-up last night, all of her songs felt like the same song with slight variations.  And then her costumes left me wanting.  Clearly, in my view, this is where the mortal sin occurred.

The Versace she opened with was definitely my favorite (I can envision a moment in time where Britney Spears, Mariah Carey and I all converge on the last of this pair of boots and have to wrestle it out. Be warned, ladies, that I am prepared to fight a legion of marauders to secure these.  Sharpen thy nails.)  But the body-suit was not that different than what we've seen her in a hundred times before - something sparkly and sharp shouldered.  Zzzzzz.

I'm fairly sure this image will appear in my nightmare tonight.

And then the spiky golden bolero.  When you are renowned for having donned a meat dress, this sorta fails to excite.  It's only a hair away from what I would wear in my actual daily life.  Then she went and saved the worst for last:

This begs the time-worn question: Are fishnets ever really a good idea?

This particular ensemble inspired this thoughtful commentary from a friend's 5 year old: Daddy, why is she wearing a Chinese food container?  From the mouth of babes!  I will say, though, that her face looks GREAT here and for that I applaud.  But in the end I guess I wanted some really fun moment - something playful and unpolitical kinda like the Beyonce/Bruno Mars dance-off from last year's show.  Instead I walked away talking about the drones.

Standing O or Hell No: The SAG Awards

When Los Angeles secedes, they should make this dress into their flag. It is representative on so many levels. Judging from the barrage of texts/emails I received between last night and today, many of you are seeing red.  And I am not talking about the color of the SAG carpet.  The consensus seems to be that you are largely underwhelmed by the looks that were trotted out for last night's SAG awards.  Even the heavy-hitters disappointed (EMMA STONE - AHEM!).  I agree by-and-large but still feel there were a few truly stand-out looks that justified the 2.5 hour tv binge it took to glean them.  Case and point: my absolute favorite of the evening was Yara Shahidi.  Irrespecitve of her clothing, she is an ethereal beauty but add this resplendent Naeem Khan and she is singing in a choir of angels.  The intricate beading was arresting and made this gown the perfect choice for SAG because it had a sense of occasion and yet didn't take itself too seriously.  The stripes and color brought levity at a time when it is much needed.  The way she worked this piece was extraordinary.  Take a peek:

Standing O!

While we are on the topic of stripes (one we are not going to depart from anytime soon), allow me to present my second favorite:

In case you needed an example, this is what confidence looks like.

Michelle Dockery was topping my chart until Yara showed up at which time I had to bump her down to number 2.  Even as runner-up she is glorious, and for many of the same reasons I cited for Yara - the color, the stripes, the levity! Perfect choice.  She looks refined and sophisticated and completely on point for the SAG red carpet thanks in large part to Elie Saab for designing this beauty.  Standing O!

Apologies for the redundancy but stripes were the hot ticket last night.  Witness Michelle Williams:

I can't decide what shimmers more - her dress or her skin.

I adore a liquid metal dress and she/Louis Vuitton are using this concept to great effect. Her figure looks flawless as does her make up and hair (which, magically, seems to weigh in between a gold and silver color).  She is almost achingly beautiful and when I reflect on her performance in Manchester By the Sea, the word devastating comes to mind.  It's applicable to this look and to that role in equal measures.  My only criticism is the choker.  I've never been a fan, and while I think that it does break up the real estate between the deep v and her head, I would've liked to see some sort of long and delicate chain instead.  At any rate - Standing O!

There's simply too much negativity in the world right now and so I am opting out of a Hell No.  Instead, let's evaluate a look that seems to be stuck in everyone's craw (pun absolutely intended):

At this point she's been beaten down but she needs to OWN this look because it is fabulous. In the immortal words of Taylor Swift: And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate / Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake / I shake it off, I shake it off

I refuse to climb aboard the hate train where this Gucci gown is involved.  I fully support a red-head in green and this particular shade is glorious!  I also truly dig the feathers on her shoulders - they are luminous and unexpected and lovely.  And I'm not mad at her for the parrot heads - they are fun and shimmery and represent a risk which, I argue, paid off.  If I could tweak any part of this, I'd have made that a tight fitting straight skirt with a slit but these are minor details.  I love that she chose this dress at this time for this event.  She certainly has the wattage to carry it off.  Therefore I would like to request that everyone get OFF OF HER BACK (AND SHOULDERS!!) FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!!!  Initially I was on the fence about giving her a Standing O but feel I need to come out strong on this one since there is so much dissent.  So let me go on record: Standing O for keeping it interesting!

Lily-Rose Depp Visually Mic-Drops in Chanel

The magnitude of these ruffles!! I suppose when you are born to this:

the odds of you being unattractive are extremely slim.  But given all of her inherent advantages in life, need Lily-Rose Depp have been created quite this flawlessly:

You could julienne vegetables with those cheek bones!

Could she not have one merciful imperfection from which the rest of us could take comfort? The answer, clearly, is no.  Not only the unbelievably good genes and the famous/rich parents but today she got to wear the gown in which I regularly float in my dreams to CLOSE THE CHANEL HAUTE COUTURE SHOW (see lead photo).   I'm sure you gleaned from my excessive use of capitals that the most heralded position in a show's line up is the close. She is only 17.  Is it possible that she has figured out how to channel all of the magic left in the universe directly to her house?  Regardless, let us marvel at the back of this gown and enjoy the proportions of vast ruffles juxtaposed with the tiniest conceivable waist:

Which leads me to my only criticism of this look and it is not of her but rather of the fit of this piece on her.  She is so incredibly tiny that the thick satin belt appeared to orbit her waist like a star to the sun. But I have a solution for this and it's called a milkshake.  Problem solved.

Standing O or Hell No: People's Choice Awards

It cannot be denied that girlfriend knows how to work an angle. And I mean that in every conceivable way. The People's Choice Awards happened Wednesday night.  What's that?  You weren't aware?  Well, apparently no one was except for J Lo who alone brought her A Game.  Let it be said that, like Naomi, she must also collude with The Devil because the years pass by and she remains perfectly...perfect (her love life not withstanding).  Here she looks like the sexiest version of Morticia Addams I have ever seen.  (Drake can be Gomez!) This entire look delights me as does her agelessness: Standing O!

However, aside from J Lo pretty much everyone else failed to dazzle.  And by "failed" I'm specifically referring to this unholy trio:

Everything from the kneecap up should be discarded.

It is never advisable to turn your breasts into a sleep mask.

This will teach her to tango with a Harlequin clown.

Hell No!

Standing O or Hell No: Golden Globes 2017

74th Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals I can't wait until I actually achieve something significant because what I learned on Golden Globes Sunday is that you are a terrifically supportive group!  All day I received messages to this general tune: CONGRATULATIONS! AWARD SEASON IS IN FULL SWING!  It was the functional equivalent of the time my son brought home a life-sized soccer trophy and when I high-fived him for the obviously extraordinary effort he was being commended for, he told me that everyone received one. That being said, even though I cannot take credit for the entirety of the Golden Globes PER SE, in spirit I was inside every dressing room cheering on the attendees.  And so, for that, I will accept your fine congratulations.  Merci!  (Note: I suspect some of your pleasantries were slightly self-serving as many came with an ancillary message suggesting I not "dawdle" in the interest of putting out a timely post.) Without further ado...

Emma Stone in Valentino (above) should be made into an emoji to express the way I feel when I am shot directly into fashion heaven.  I love a pale girl in a pale color, especially a red-head in pink.  She looks incredibly dreamy without playing the princess card.  The stars add to the ethereal feel of this gown and also lend modernity.  And it goes without saying the fit is perfection.  STANDING O!

 

poses in the press room during the 74th Annual Golden Globe Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 8, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California.

Dear trainer of Viola Davis, do you have a spiritual connection with Michelangelo?  Because that is the only way to account for arms this perfect.  This image inspires me to so much, chiefly looking this magnificent in evening wear.  Her beauty is immeasurable and this simple yet bold Michael Kors showcases perfectly her flawlessness.  (Only the merest ding for the dress being ever-so-slightly too long.)  Standing O, Viola!!

 

naomi-campbell-golden-globes-2017

What can Naomi Campbell possibly have left to sell to Satan in order to look this way? There is simply no earthly barter system strong enough to support this level of beauty.  Often I feel Versace skews a little costume-y on the red carpet but it is certainly not the case for this magnificent creation.  It is complicated in all the best ways because never once does it falter in execution.  This is also a case of the exact right dress being worn by the exact right woman: both over-the-top glamorous.  Standing O, Naomi (assist by Beelzbub)!

 

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 08: 74th ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS -- Pictured: Actress Mandy Moore arrives to the 74th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 8, 2017. (Photo by Neilson Barnard/NBCUniversal/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)

A sheer cape and a plunging neckline?  You have my attention. If that's the train, I'm climbing aboard!  I'm so in favor of  the direction this look took from the exquisitely draped Naeem Khan gown to the drop earrings to the fresh and lovely make-up and chic hair.  Standing O!

 

Nothing Negga-tive here. (Sorry.)

The topography of Ruth Negga's face is such that I could stare at her all day.  She epitomizes modern beauty to me while still retaining a hint of flapper.  I fully support her choice to wear this modern Louis Vuitton column dress that made her look, very appropriately, statuesque.  Standing O!

 

drew-barrymore-globes-09jan17-05

For me, this Monique Lhuillier dress is a gentle nod to the swan Givenchy that Florence (and The Machines) wore to the Grammys a few years back - which I adored.  Drew Barrymore gives homage to that moment but one-ups it by looking resplendent in this adaptation.  She is luminous in silver.  Also, the styling is perfect - her black nails and multiple sparkly cocktail rings were the absolute correct move as was her tousled hair and smoky eye make up.  This is Drew at her best.  Standing O!

 

lily-collins

Lily Collins in Zuhair Murad was transcendent.  This dress is obviously a work of art but what brought this look to extraordinary heights is the make up and hair.  Congratulations, L'Oreal for making yourself a boat-load of cash based on this gothic pink/red look.  (Here are the products genius make up artist Fiona Stiles used.)  Let's get a closer look because this is truly brilliant:

lily-make-up

 

tiziana-rocca

Since everyone else is picking on Anna Chlumsky and Sarah Jessica Parker, I figure Tiziana Rocca is fair game.  To put this into corporate speak, there are many competing interests here.  It's as if the design team was in a massive argument but agreed to disagree by simply throwing all of their ideas into one dress.  If I had twenty minutes and an excellent seamstress, I'd instruct her to feverishly cut the top of the dress and leave the sweatheart neckline then move onto setting the waist in the right place and cutting out the excess fabric.  I'd rip off her jewelry, add some sparkly rings and a sparkly waist belt and pray that the media only photographed her from the knees up.  Hell No!

Standing O or Hell No: Janelle Monae

janelle-monae-palm-spings-ms-010217The Palm Springs Film Festival happened last night.  Sadly, though, I was in an eggnog-and-holiday-cookie-induced-coma (of sorts) and could not revive in time to pay proper attention. Today I've finally sifted through all the white noise related to Mariah Carey and her NYE debacle and have found the festival's red carpet arrivals! I think I've also found the first great dress of 2017 courtesy or Jenny Packham worn by Janelle Monae (above).  As you are all well aware, Janelle wears black and white exclusively and yet never ever looks boring.  What I'm trying to figure out is if this achievement is a greater testament to her personal style or to the timelessness and widespread appeal of a black and white combination.  In either case, this gown is stunning and she is owning this look.  I'm hoping that this is some kind of omen for 2017 letting us know that better things are to come starting with this dress.  Standing O!

Fuel to the Fire

The pleats! The pin stripes! The paisley tie!! Linette Lopez and I have not written together in awhile but that doesn't mean we haven't been offended together in awhile.  And so we got our priorities straight (as should you after reading this post) and identified all that needs to be burned from your closet if you work on Wall Street.  Do not delay:

11 Things everyone on Wall Street needs to stop wearing ASAP

Brim Witted

goorin-brothers-fedoraSome weeks I have the same conversation all week long but with each of my clients individually.  The good news is that I'm equipped for this since I have a 6 and a 4 year old and have the same conversation with each of them pretty much every hour. This past week it was about hats (with my clients, not my kids).  The collective answer to the number one asked question of last week is YES there is a hat out there that suits your face shape.  It takes some trial and error but the people at a good hat shop like Goorin Brothers are willing to assist.  If you don't want to go hat shopping with me (WHY don't you want to go with me?!? I'm so much fun!!!! Whatever.  It's your loss.) and you don't even want to go into the store, you can educate yourself with this helpful guide about finding the proper style hat for your face shape.  Then browse around and see what you like.  My suggestion in terms of color is that if you have a black or any neutral solid coat, go for a hat with some color.  If your coat is printed or bright, go with a neutral hat.

It's not for everyone but I recently picked up the plum colored wide-brimmed fedora with ombre band (featured above).  It is so pretty I felt my heart ache when I put it on.  A few other favorites for women:

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A few of my favorites for men:

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Hung by the chimney with care...

This suggests that indeed care was taken when this stocking was hung by the chimney. And now it's time for some unsolicited advice from Wardrobe Whisperer (incidentally this seems the only type of advice I've been giving these days):

If a man is paying a visit to your home, at no point does he want to view ratty old stockings.  And when I reference men this, of course, includes Santa.  He's worked hard.  He's brought you GIFTS.  For the love of all that is good and holy do not have him descend your chimney to find your reindeer and snowflake embroidered stocking from when you were two.  That stocking's memory should live on but its corpse should be tossed atop the yule log.  Bottom line: it's time for an upgrade.  Kim Seybert appears to be the type of woman who understands the importance of this act of common decency.  Witness her pearl fringe stocking above as well as a selection of some of her other beauties below:

We all need more ombre in our lives. Santa is not immune.

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These ends justify the means

img_5259 If Justification was a college course, there would be a bidding war for my professorial services.  Obviously this is a critical job function for me and therefore a skill I have spent time cultivating.  The fact is that no one likes to feel guilty about spending hard earned money and so often my role is to gently permission them.  This has never been easier than at a recent event where I teamed up with Goldman Sachs, Hugo Boss, and the Susan Komen Foundation to raise money for cancer research...by shopping of course!

An infallible mantra I adopted for the evening: Stop thinking of yourself and start shopping for charity!

Luckily attendees were good sports and took this (questionable) logic to heart which equated to a good bit of financial support for the foundation.  Success!  (Note to readers: it might also have helped that I was double-fisting bottles of persecco and pouring liberally while simultaneously doing on the spot styling and fittings.  Just a hunch.)