Standing O or Hell No: Grammys 2016

grammy 1Somehow in a wonderful twist of fate my favorite Grammy look and my least favorite Grammy look conspired to become dates!!  Selena Gomez in Calvin Klein was gorgeous, appropriately edgy (as the night demands), yet on point and styled beautifully - hair, make-up, and earrings all score an A+.  Witness her solo: selena grammy

Knock-Out!! Standing O, Selena!  And then there's Taylor Swift who's sweet and charming and lovely.  In her underpants:

taylor grammyOr an elaborate cover up for her new bikini.  Also, and I know this is nit-picking, but her big toe is hanging off the platform of that shoe like it's trying to escape from this whole ensemble. It has the right idea. Hell No, Taylor.

 

zendaya grammyI understand that this was Zendaya's salute to David Bowie.  And I respect that because who among us does not love David Bowie?  But, to me, this was beauty wasted.  Zendaya is an extraordinarily gorgeous woman and this was well, dreadful.  Hell No, Z, please bring sexy back.

 

Florence GrammyThis particular Gucci collection with the sparkly waist bow is being trotted out ALL over town.  Dakota Johnson donned a short version to see Fallon and Nicole Kidman sported another to the SAG Awards but this rendition on Florence Welch seemed like the right gown on the right girl for the right event.  It is VERY indicative of her style.  Plus, red heads in pink always delight me.  So even though her hair is a bit unpolished and she hasn't enough lipstick on, I still love this on her.  Standing O!

Standing O, Hell No, or So So: SAG Awards 2016

helen-mirrenSome of life's most wonderful things have extremely unfortunate names.  For instance DUMP CAKE.  I am loathe to admit it, but that stuff is delicious.  Or Dick's Sporting Goods.  Can there not be somewhere classier yet as convenient to get your tennis racket restrung?  Same goes with the SAG Awards.  I mean, if someone offered me one I'd take it but it wouldn't be my first choice.  Speaking of sag or the absence thereof, let's talk about how sublime Helen Mirren looks in this Jenny Packham gown.  She has such a tremendous sense of how to dress and comport herself.  Standing O for this glorious image (and for her lack of sag)!  

rachel mcadams SAGIt really goes to show you how many fashion doors swing open when you are nominated for an award.  Rachel McAdams is hot off the heels of her Critics Choice Award sartorial success and here she is WINNING again in this exquisite Elie Saab.  Standing O!

 

alicia sagI hate to be your nit-picking Great Aunt who returns your thank you letters marked up in red pen to illustrate all of your mistakes.  Oh wait - your family members don't do that?  Well, Alicia Vikander is near perfection in this luminous Louis Vuitton but I must point out (GREAT AUNT ALERT!!) that the gown was slightly too long and this detail bothered me.  I still award her a Standing O because as a novice on the red carpet, she is slaying overall. Plus she dates Michael Fassbender which garners her bonus points for sheer finesse.

 

kiernan shipkaAlso killing it was Kiernan Shipka in Erdem.  Somehow this gown manages to be super sophisticated and youthful all at the same time.  The bustier top, the color, the glorious print, and the perfect fit conspire to make this one of my favorite looks of the night.  Standing O!

 

january jones SAGSadly not all of the women of Mad Men fared as well as Kiernan Shipka.  January Jones's dress looks like she didn't have time to attend the last three fittings and she had to just wear it pinned up and in progress. Hell No, January.

 

brieIn other blue dress news is Brie Larson in Versace.  Despite the dress's gorgeous hue and body enhancing cut, this still reads a little slutty to me.  In my opinion there are just too many competing interests: the partially exposed chest, the super high slit, and those passé platform sandals.  Had she retained the key-hole top but allowed the bottom to close and drape like a column, this would've worked.  Luckily from the neck up, she is flawless so this look is not a total failure.  So So, Brie.  

Standing O or Hell No: The Critics Choice Awards

regina kingLast night I was watching an old episode of The Americans. Two of the female leads were commiserating on their relationships and the Kerri Russel character, Elizabeth, sighs and says, "Marriage is complicated."  Indeed.  Her husband is a KGB operative who just cheated on her with an old love. Her friend, Sandra, has an FBI agent for a husband and he is having an ongoing affair with a Russian spy.  I nodded in agreement that, yes, marriage IS complicated.  My husband built an actual ice skating rink in our back yard and decided to fill it with our hose which burned out our well pump and left us without water for the last two days.  This situation was further complicated by the fact that I not only have the flu but also strep throat and a scratched cornea.  And two small children who I will list along with my ailments.  I bemoaned my fate along side the ladies of The Americans because the struggle truly IS real. Later I tried to suppress my emotions by drowning myself in the dresses from the Critics Choice Awards.  However, many of the dresses, including Regina King's, (above) were just as complicated as marriage.   To that I say Hell No, Regina.

OK- let's try to breathe some LIFE into this post.  For me and last night's awards all of the oxygen was here:

Rachel McAdamsRachel McAdams slayed it in Elie Saab.  As did Helen Miran below:

helen miranThis Dolce and Gabbana printed gown is stunning on her.

Alicia Vikander CriticsAnd finally we have life via Alicia Vikander in Mary Katrantzou.  Standing O to these three lovelies.  If it wasn't for you, I might've drowned my husband in the slushy end of the ice skating rink.

Standing O or Hell No: Golden Globes 2016

Jennifer-Lopez-Dress-Golden-Globe-Awards-2016Sometimes you need to experience the low form of something in order to truly appreciate the high form of that very same thing.  For instance, burgers at Keens taste even more heavenly if you've eaten at McDonald's.  The juxtaposition highlights intrinsic value.  And so it goes with exhibitionism.  Yesterday afternoon I got on an uptown N train, sat down, and looked up to see three twenty-somethings in their underpants.  Yes, No Pants Subway Ride.  I was not phased by the underwear (although it was twee) and similarly was not overly phased by the lack of hygiene associated with this stunt (note to the pants-less - please consult a razor before stepping outside).  The thing I found the most ludicrous and obscene was the fact that the subway car was relatively empty and these fools chose to STAND THE WHOLE TIME.  (It is customary for people to shove grandmothers in order to get a seat.)  As mentioned, hygiene was not on their minds so effectively they forewent seats ONLY for the sake of exhibitionism.  This trio was on my mind when two hours later I tuned into the Golden Globes and  witnessed another form of exhibitionism.  It goes without saying which form I preferred. Without further ado I'm going to declare J Lo's Giambattista Valli (and her 240 carats!!) my favorite look of the evening.  Because it was exactly that - a LOOK.  You can say what you want about her but she knows how to deliver the DRAMA.  The mustard color of the gown is stunning and all the more perfect against her skin.  The red lip is glory itself.  The jewels/bag/shoes were integrated perfectly and to great effect and although the cape has been controversial, I love it because it's different.  I'll concede that the draping of the cape from the back was not flawless but so be it.  STANDING O, J LO!

 

kirsten dunst_globesI wonder how many "Golden GLOBES" jokes Kirsten Dunst had to endure last evening.  For what it's worth, they do look absolutely perfect.  I'm not always a fan of her sartorial choices but I think she's slaying it in this velvet Valentino.  Her entire head looks lovely and her spare but elegant jewelry allow the dress (and her chest) to take center stage.  She's a true student of the if-you've-got-it-flaunt-it school of thought.  Standing O!

 

Alicia VikanderI immediately loved this Vuitton on Alicia Vikander when I saw her in motion on the carpet last night.  Admittedly it does not translate as well to the static nature of photos.  But I will comment on it none-the-less because I was struck by her red carpet arrival.  She was a vision - fresh and youthful.  I loved her playful vibe - especially for the Globes - and I adored the much debated open back because it was the perfect foil to the front of the dress:

Alicia Vikander 2Note to readers:  This woman dates Michael Fassbender on the regular.   Is anyone else concerned about the global warming effects of that much hotness being concentrated in one place?  Further note: Standing O!

 

cate globes 2016Can we all just agree that no other woman on the face of this earth could even attempt to pull off this zany Givenchy?  And yet somehow Cate Blanchett's ethereal beauty makes it work despite all odds.  It's beyond nutty and yet overall she remains looking elegant and regal.  I give Cate's head and her presence a Standing O and the rest of this look a So-S0.

 

kate hudson globesAnd then this happened.  By the way Kate Hudson is standing I gather she also felt something was amiss.  Was it the worst look of the night?  No.  But almost.  Those shoes alone are enough to give me nightmares but why did someone feel the need to snip out the center of this otherwise promising dress and then tie that scrap around her neck?  I'm vehemently against this look.  There are no more words except, of course, Hell No.

 

jane-fonda-golden-globes-2016-504390220-419x630In my third grade ballet recital I had to dress as a porcelain doll.  My costume looked eerily similar to Jane Fonda's dress above AND the weird doll below:

clown_globesThese are not points of merit.  Hell No, Jane.

Waiter!!  A palate cleanser for my readers, please!

leonardo-dicaprio-golden-globesStanding O, Leo.  Always.