Who among us does not want to don a cape?

Last week I was just trolling along (the internet) minding my own business when I was accosted by this Alexander McQueen flared cape dress.  She was so boldly confrontational - I mean, look at that stance!  Typically I'm not one for drama unless that drama comes in the form of a cape and then I am ALL IN.  As you can imagine, we tussled, she won and now she's in my closet.  I barely stood a chance.  I need to remain vigilant at all times or she might stab me in this back:

I feel as if this particular struggle will be enduring, yet I'll find a way to make my peace with it.

Why boots are the security blankets of adult women

Many MANY things can go awry in the course of a day but if you find yourself kicking it in your favorite boots somehow you feel impervious to these outside forces.  Boots are like krypton.  More accurately, boots are like a woman's security blanket.  There is something so satisfying and comforting in the way boots embrace your legs (if they are tall) and envelope your feet.  What is not to love about a footwear that HUGS its wearer?  Not to mention that they provide heat when the temperatures dip and, as we all well know, coziness equals love.  I'd be hard-pressed to identify a woman who does not get PUMPED to shop for boots each fall.  In fact, it's the number one thing I've been discussing with my female clients this month: which ones, what heights, and which colors.  The good news is that there exist so many correct formulas.

One detail I am demanding this fall is a covered heel.  I don't want a stack nor do I even want a novelty heel.  I want that bad boy to blend and provide an ultra sleek aesthetic.  Case in point is the Aquazzura Brera Tall Boot in tan featured above.  This boot is my number one favorite at this moment for its simplicity, color, and heel.  Let it be known that I have seated myself front and center on the tan/cognac bandwagon that's been cruising around. It is my preferred neutral of this season.

Another current favorite:

That studded Y is for YASSSSSSSSSSSSS PLEASE!  And also for YSL obviously.  More specifically the Saint Laurent Studded Grace Knee Boot.

If you're in the market for a bootie...

 

this little lady is stealing my heart.  Look at that demure pose! She's so lovely.  And the patent leather covered heel?  Dreamy!  This Stella Luna Ruffle Trimmed boot needs to become part of my life this fall.  And perhaps yours as well?

Lastly, but not leastly (?!), I am FEELING a white boot:

These Gianvito Rossi Laura Knee Boots are so OF THE MOMENT.  Please, Forces of the Universe, let it come to pass that I wear these very boots as soon as possible paired with my white shadow mink fur coat.  Is that too much to ask from you?  (Don't answer that question.)

The Kill Shot: Federer Graces GQ

This GQ photo is nothing if not a testament to the power of allure inherent to Roger Federer.  Who else, pray tell, could convincingly lounge on a fur throw in white sport socks and corresponding tight white short-shorts while cuddling with a tennis trophy AND SPORTING A BLAZER OVER A T-SHIRT SWEATER COMBO?!  Yet somehow I'm buying what he's selling even if that boils down to nothing more than his image.

Now let's get a look at the other photos supporting his I'm-sexy-in-athleisure-image because they are all awesome in their own right:

Pretty Shi**y

Dolce & Gabbana lemon one piece My kids are really into rhyming words right now.  Mostly they use actual words but what really cracks them up is when they rhyme one real word with (what they think is) one made-up word.  Like turtle purtle or giant friant or, my 3.5 year old's favorite: fuc*y ducky.  I'm pretty sure her teachers will be reluctant to file that one under "kids say the darndest things" and so I was presented with an immediate dilemma: do I tell her not to use that word (thus causing her to use it all the more) or do I pretend it wasn't said and hope she'll never say it again?  I went with the latter and as you may've guessed it's not going so well.  I'm pretty much sitting by the phone waiting for her pre-school director to ring.  While I wait, let's take a look at some pretty things over which I am currently obsessing and which I may have to buy to ease the pain of my child getting kicked out of pre-school:

Gianvito Rossi gold and lucite pumps

 

Valentino lock mini shoulder bag

D&G foliage print midi dress

My true love: Cartier juste un clou bracelet

WW's Top 5 Reasons to Watch the Super Bowl

lady gaga superbowl

  1. It is license to eat an entire plate of nachos
  2. Gin and tonic is a perfect compliment to nachos
  3. Who doesn't like to talk about the commercials
  4. It's okay to have a THIRD gin and tonic before the coin toss
  5. It is a PRODUCTION

The production to which I refer is obviously not football.  It is, of course, the real entertainment: the National Anthem and the halftime show.  And luckily, both pleased me endlessly.  I think it's unanimous at this point that Lady Gaga brought it last night.  I knew she had a lovely voice but she owned that opening which isn't an easy thing to do considering it is probably the most covered song of all time.  And what say you of her custom Gucci suit?  I felt the jacket was sheer perfection.  The pants seemed slightly ill fitting and I don't approve of the shoes but I'm willing to forgive a multitude of sins given her stellar performance.

Even though Chris Martin recently won me over by teaming up with James Corden for Carpool Karaoke, it wasn't until Bruno Mars showed up that I thought the halftime show took flight.  The Beyonce/Bruno dance-off was simply stupendous!  And I wasn't the only one dancing along- Go Gaga!  When Bruno's entourage was fanning him as he strutted toward Bey with Crazy In Love playing I think I might have squealed in delight.

I am not ashamed to admit that as of 11:30am I still do not know which football team won the Super Bowl and I still don't care.  Wardrobe Whisperer declares the winners to be Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Bruno Mars.

 

Balmain x H&M

balmain x hm In the immortal words of Nikki Minaj:

He toss my salad like his name's Romaine

And when we done, I make him buy me Balmain

The Balmain x H&M collection dropped last Thursday and it is, just like the lyrics above, AMAZING.  Racked NY has reported that there are almost no pieces left in the city except in sizes 2 or 12; And I've already seen jackets being resold on ebay for $700.  The madness will not cease!

Dear Romaine,

Please buy me the above outfit in its entirety.  I know you have connections.  Thank you.

Love,

The Wardrobe Whisperer

The Great Pumpkin Carving

IMG_3728 Whose brilliant idea was it to hand children twelve pounds of candy each, then add an extra hour to the next day for them to use begging for said candy?  Yesterday plus today has really been a one-two punch in that respect.  That is, until I developed a system:  for each indiscretion, my kids have to let me pick something from their basket.  Please note that I am ruthless.  Our afternoon went something like this:

Oh, you LOVE Reese's peanut butter cups?  Sorry, Mac, you shouldn't have hit your sister.  They're mine.

What was that, Lilli, Twix are your favorite?  Was that you just screaming in the other room?  Hand them over!

Mac and Lilli were up in Rounds 1 and 2 but Mommy has clearly won the match.

Now let's look at our pumpkin line up from this year:

Pumpkin Caper

Shouts to Johnny, Tia, Sacha, and Tom.  Here the pumpkins are again but this time spooky style outside on the front stairs:

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Mine was the dullest this year despite my eleventh hour efforts to create more negative space:

IMG_3730

I think I got cocky and gave up early because I was still riding the high from last year's pumpkin:

fairy_halloween

When Taxidermy and Fashion Meet

naomie-harris-spectre-premiere-london-FFN_Craig_Dan_FFUK_102615_51889361-510x726  

I've been procrastinating on writing this blog post because, frankly, I've been too busy laughing while reading Jenny Lawson's memoir, Let's Pretend this Never Happened.  An excerpt:

'When I tell people that my father is kind of a total lunatic, they laugh and nod knowingly. they assure me that theirs is too, and that he's just a "typical father." And they're probably right, if the typical father runs a full-time taxidermy business out of the house, and shows up at the local bar with a miniature donkey and a teddy Roosevelt impersonator, and thinks other people are weird for making such a big deal out of it. If the typical father says things like "Happy birthday! Here's a bathtub of raccoons!" or "We'll have to take your car. Mine has too much blood in it," then yeah, he's totally normal. Still, I don't remember any of the kids from Charles in Charge feeling around the deep freeze for the Popsicles and instead pulling out an enormous frozen rattle snake that Charles had thrown in while it was still alive.  Maybe I missed that episode.  We didn't watch a lot of TV. That's why whenever people try to tell me that their 'insane father' would sometimes fall asleep on the toilet, or occasionally catch the house on fire, I put my finger to their lips and whisper, 'Hush little rabbit, let me give you perspective.'"

What does this have to do with fashion? Absolutely nothing.  But I want to get back to reading the book so let's just look at photos of folks who I think looked terrific this week.

lea-seydoux-spectre-premiere-london-FFN_Craig_Dan_FFUK_102615_51889291-510x765

daniel craig

 

duchess

 

sandy

 

Of Human Bondage

rick-owens-fashion-show-inline-2 Rick Owens has recently received a lot of press for his Spring 2016 Paris fashion show where the models carried each other as human accessories.  'What a unique idea! What startling and moving images!' declared viewers.  And while I agree that a derriere in the face is not a common sight, I got to thinking about the genesis of his idea and how unique it actually is.

Remember that period in the early 2000's when all the socialites were carrying dogs as accessories?  You don't?  Steel yourself:

paris hilton

My initial reaction was that Rick Owens took the puppy/accessory concept, pumped it up, then shot it out of a canon.  Or did he?  Because this, dear readers, is STILL happening:

moby

Could the Moby Wrap have been Rick's inspiration?  It has all the elements.  Complicated harnessing?  Check!  Model pretending the weight doesn't hurt her back? Check! Human worn as accessory? Check check!  I will leave it up to you to decide if Rick's experiment was derivative or genius.

Re-LAX

LAX Why do folks always want to trash-talk LA?  Is it because the women are gorgeous and skinny like my two beautiful clients above?  Is it because of the world class beaches like the ones in Malibu? malibu

Or maybe it's because people like to drink their food and love to detox with strange beverages like charcoal lemonade?  Ok, I grant you, that part IS weird but it's no reason to hate.

detox

Clearly if the detox helps you look like this we can all agree to live and let live (and look hot):

alisonDear Haters,

Jealous much?  LA is a magical place where the food has somehow gotten supreme over the last five years.  The scenery is extraordinary and the people are first rate.  Not to mention that the shopping in Beverly Hills and Abbott Kinney is marvelous.  You have a point with the traffic but that's why God gave us Waze.  So, as the bumper stickers say:  wag more, bark less.

Love, Wardrobe Whisperer

Red Carpet Ready: The Knick's Jeremy Bobb

Jeremy Bobb from The Knick I admit it, I attempt to intellectualize everything.  Even fashion.  (Note to reader:  intellectualizing fashion is not the same as rationalizing fashion.  More on the latter in another post.)  The former is particularly helpful when working with men/folks in finance, but is less helpful when dealing with, say, my two year old's meltdowns.  For years I've been working on applying this tendency more effectively.  I am about 20% towards my goal.

The Peabody Awards are near and dear to my heart because they are essentially the intellectualization of awards programming.  Winners are chosen based solely on quality of work rather than popular or commercial success.  (Exit emotion, enter brain.)  Excitingly my client, Jeremy Bobb, and his HBO show, The Knick will be in receipt of one of these stellar awards this week!

Jeremy and I circled up last Friday at Hugo Boss to line up his red carpet look* which, incidentally, I did NOT over-think.  Success was evident immediately.  Witness for yourself above/below:

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*The pocket square (first photo) is my favorite detail because it gives this smart look a personality; A description which, come to think of it, also applies to Jeremy.

51 is the new 21??

elleMuch like a doctor, I see a lot of bodies in my business.  I always giggle (inwardly) at the strong sense of modesty and propriety that my clients have for the first oh...15 minutes of a session.  They shyly close the door to a dressing room if we are shopping, or go to the bathroom to change if we are cleansing a closet; But when they realize I am not "looking" or judging (NEVER!!) they are soon strutting in their skivvies submitting to the metamorphoses at hand.  Suffice it to say, I have seen many different sizes and shapes and love dressing each and every form.  Clothes are the ultimate tool to enhance the positive and to diminish any "trouble" areas.  As my grandmother famously says, "clothes hide a multitude of sins." But then there are those among us, the very few, the very rare, who do not require concealment of any kind - even at age FIFTY-ONE.  This recent photo is blowing my mind.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is the only standard of beauty (those who know me know I love a curvy shape best) but I like to give props where props are due and Elle Macpherson is certainly deserving.  I don't know what sort of deal girlfriend struck with the devil but I'm contacting her attorney ASAP to see if (s)he can send me the template.

 

Now You See It, Now You...Still See It

vicsecfashionshow2014The willing suspension of disbelief is a tricky proposition for me.  Usually I am not up for it (The Alchemist, Broadway shows, David Copperfield).  But sometimes, I'm totally game!  Take the annual Victoria's Secret fashion show which took place last week, for instance.  Thongs and wings?  Absolutely!!  Corsets and thigh-high laser cut butterfly boots?  You bet!!  But what, pray tell, is happening in the above photo?  Victoria, if I may invoke your name, what are we to believe, or to disbelieve as the case may be, here?  Are majorettes parading the Red Light District in the winter?  Has the Abominable Snowman eaten Little Red Riding Hood and also stolen the wolf's disguise?  I'm at a loss.  And so I will treat you to the back of the ensemble because when all else fails, you can always score bonus points for a perfect tush and this is one for the record books: vicsecfashionshow2014_2The end.  Literally.

There's a Right Club and a Black V Club

blk v neckAt a recent Facebook "town hall" Mark Zuckerberg fielded the question:  Why do you wear the same clothes every day?  His answer had to do with a tendency towards "decision fatigue" and how he wants, instead, to free his mind up to think about nothing but the company.  (How far behind can diapers be when applying this logic?) Why do tech moguls like Zuckerberg and Jobs feel they are so different from say, Lloyd Blankfein, who could never justify wearing the same thing every single day?  What Zuckerberg is describing is not a problem specific to tech CEOs.  High powered, high functioning people at large don't have time to think about what they are going to wear, but most are not so insensate that they resort to a uniform.

There is an answer out there and it is NOT Black V Club. (There are myriad problems with this idea, not the least of which is that the name suggests a club for those with a certain common but specific fetish.)  The answer is simple:  HIRE A STYLIST!  We do all the heavy lifting so, in the end, all you are doing is choosing an image of a complete outfit from your look book.  It may not be as simple as wearing a black v-neck t shirt each and every day but at least you won't be mistaken for a homeless person.

How to Style a Pumpkin

fairy_halloweenIt surprises a lot of folks that I don't enjoy dressing up for Halloween.  Costumes are just not my thing.  (Unless, of course, there's someone among you who might consider a new Tom Ford dress a costume??  If so, please step forward!)  I much prefer to commemorate this holiday with knives - lots of tiny ones to use for pumpkin carving!  That merits style points, no?   This year I did Tinkerbell (above photo) and nearly lost my right hand poking out the "galaxy" with a bamboo skewer.  I was 20 minutes in when it dawned on me that a drill would be much more efficient.  And sure enough I was right.  It pains my heart (as well as the phantom pain in my right hand) that she is beginning to wither because she turned out to be a pretty little thing!

Standing O or Hell No: Amal Alamuddin (and George)

amal1You know how when a friend or family member gets hitched and you can't help but consider whether that person's new mate  is good enough for them?  And, usually, you think the mate is NOT good enough because who, in reality, COULD be good enough for your friend/family?!  (Or am I the only one who thinks this way?)  Well, this is one of those times when I look, from the outside obviously, and see a very equal match. I'm not sure what their private relationship is like, and honestly I'm not really interested, but George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are a visual match made in heaven.  The glamor that they brought to their Venetian wedding last weekend was superb as evidenced in the photo above.  Also, I'm pretty sure this is why yachts were invented:

amal2

Basically Amal robbed the world of the question we've all been waiting years to ask:  Is George Clooney's new wife good enough for him?  (She's gorgeous, brilliant, and independent.  She's also a barrister - case closed.)  Standing O for that achievement, Amal, as well as for your impeccable fashion!

Double Agent

enver1Begrudgingly I have returned from LA, because my trip was absolute magic!  Allow me to elucidate by way of highlights: - lots of drinking and dining with much-missed best friends

- star sightings ala Emma Stone and Scott Speedman (the rumor mill stops here - they were NOT together!)

- and possibly my favorite:  wardrobing tv and film star, Enver Gjokaj (above)

Holla back, Dollhouse fans! Not to mention The Avengers, The Walking Dead, The Witches of East End and the list goes on...

Ok, people, I admit this job was not difficult.  Enver is obviously a stellar looking human being not to mention that he is total aces on a personal level.  The amount of fun and energy he brought to the project was unparalleled.

Our mission was to create a wardrobe that could take him everywhere from a table read, to an audition, to the red carpet, to a junket, to a party, to pool-side or a bbq.  In a few short days we hit each of these notes by mixing high, low, and what lies in between.  We called on brands like VINCE., REISS, and John Varvatos as well as Theory, and Ralph Lauren Black Label; and we even snagged a bevy of vintage pieces from Wasteland.  It was a TOTAL SUCCESS.  Witness one of many, many looks:

enver2Girls, have you caught your collective breath yet?  Shall I pass around the smelling salts?  Allow me to wrap up.

In my last post, I dropped a few hints but at this point you may have deduced that Enver landed a spot on ABC's upcoming Agent Carter!  The show starts shooting next month and will air in January.  I can't wait to follow him double (agent)-time on screen and off where he will certainly be looking super fly in all of his new gear.

Beyond Love with Met's Beyond Fashion Exhibit

charlesjames1Today I am memorializing fallen veterans by eating grilled ribs and drinking gin and tonics (??); It seems my traditions have strayed from the true meaning of the day. Friday I was memorializing a veteran of a different sort.  I finally had a chance to view the Charles James, couture veteran, exhibit at The Met.  It was very dark and serious in the Anna Wintour Costume Institute (as my above pic of James's Four Leaf Clover Gown attests).  All that was illuminated were the gorgeously rendered gowns.  With the help of animation and robotic arms the viewer was given the chance to see how each gown was constructed and to marvel at what appeared to be fashion architecture.  I've done my share of sewing (using patterns of course) and gaped openly at the tailoring in general but specifically admired (and was baffled by) how none of his seams constituted a straight line.  Everything was curved and sewn anatomically which, in my mind, attributed to the unique way his dresses "stood" and draped.  Also notable was his melding of many different fabrics and colors.  Silk faille, satin, shantung, and velvet abounded in reds, emeralds, pinks, oranges and myriad shades of brown (which I rarely see in a gown these days).  This method of layering texture and color resulted in some exquisite pieces (again I refer you to the above Clover Gown).

I spent two hours pouring over about twenty gowns and could've easily spent another two.  But my very patient husband was waiting and so was our lunch at The Dutch.  It occurred to me later, though, that the combination of glamorous fashion and the quintessential french fry was a memorial of yet another sort: the perfect day.

Calling a Spade Two Spades

  DvF +Gap Kids

I have a 3.5 year old boy and a 1.5 year old girl and I don't think I'll be blowing anyone's mind by saying that it's way more fun to dress my little lady, Lilli.  Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of companies making cute, on-trend boys clothes (Marie Chantal and H&M to name two) but even still, the themes are narrow.  Suffice it to say, we have a lot of skull and crossbones happening around here.

Today I learned that city prepster husband and wife, Kate and Jack Spade, will be collaborating with The Gap to create a capsule collection for kids due November! Um - yipee!!  Hopefully Kate will bring her cheeky, cheery, and colorful ideas to the table and Jack will balance her with his minimalism, clean lines, and modern aesthetic. I was a huge fan of the DvF/Gap collab (because, who among you, did not find it prudent to buy your baby girl a turban?) so, come November, I hope to snag some sweet pieces for both of my minis.

Mother Nature Trumps the Queen Mother

The Duke And Duchess Of Cambridge Tour Australia And New Zealand - Day 1I saw this photo and immediately wanted to discuss it from many different angles.  First of all, let me say that this royal disembarkation is post-30-hour-plane ride to New Zealand.  Last week we took our kids to Naples, FL which is a 3 hour ride (granted we kicked things off with a 4 hour delay in the Newark Airport!) but suffice it to say, we did not fare this well. Second of all, that is one cute baby.  That baby is the mirror image of Prince William but with a good hairline.

Third of all, that double breasted, red Catherine Walker coat is slaying me.  Please note the perfect fit- hence my adoration for British tailoring.  And hurrah for her brooch!  I am always pinning brooches all over my clients.  They are an underrated accessory in my opinion.

Lastly, much ado has been made about the Queen ordering a universal hem-lengthening to KM's wardrobe.  Therefore, this snapshot makes me giggle doubly because despite the Queen's best efforts, (yes, I heard about how weights have been inserted into the Duchess's hems as well), we are still seeing those beautiful thighs!  I for one salute the wind because this picture charmed the pants off of me even as it was taking the skirt off of Kate.