Standing O or Hell No: Emmys 2016

I believe I can fly...

I believe I can fly…

My friend, Jenny, and I were talking about how Awards Season for a fashion addict is pretty much the same thing as an escalating binge for a drug addict.  It starts out mellow and calm with the lead-in film festivals.  Everyone is content and feeling/looking great. (POT!)  Next up are the Emmys.  People are euphoric, everyone is overwhelmingly happy and there are yet no grudges.  The party has just begun!  (MOLLY!)  Advance a few weeks to the SAG Awards.  People have waited a full month for another event and they are jonesing for their rush.  (HEROINE!)  Of course by the time the Golden Globes air in January they are in a frenzy. (COKE!)  And when the Oscars finally arrive folks are brittle and foaming at the mouth. (CRACK!)  Then, of course, everyone goes into rehab to gather enough strength for the next year.

Thank goodness we are still in a euphoric state (i.e last night’s Emmys).  The ladies turned it OUT.  Allow me to submit my HIGHlight reel (awful pun intended):

If the Emmys are Molly then Priyanka Chopra (above) in Jason Wu is the embodiment of bliss.  Her delight with her dress was joyfully evident – she swung the layers to and fro so we could all appreciate the gown’s many dimensions.  Standing O!

 

68th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards - ArrivalsSarah Paulson’s Prada gown had a hint of J Lo’s famous Versace but is updated in a chic and elegant way.  The beading is so intricate and the color is beautiful – Standing O!

 

For a funny lady, this look is no joke.

For a funny lady, this look is no joke.

Kate McKinnon’s red dress reminded me of Jennifer Lawrence’s break out Oscars moment in that now famous red Calvin Klein.  Hey, if it’s good enough for Jennifer Lawrence…Standing O!

 

kristen-bell

Some day my prints will come…

I cannot ignore a printed gown, especially one this exquisite.  My favorite element is the flower cascade on her right “strap.”  So artful! Kristen Bell and Zuhair Murad, Standing O!

 

When I was 12 I was pegging my jeans and layering my socks.

When I was 12 I was pegging my jeans and layering my socks.

Millie Bobby Brown (far right) in Valentino is officially the most sophisticated 12 year old I have ever laid eyes on.  The dress is darling, fun, and age-appropriate and the clutch with “Millie” on it agrees with the young/fresh vibe she has established.  Standing O!

I had a hard morning and can’t muster the energy to be negative.  Let’s look at one particularly bad ensemble and call it a day:

anna-chumleyI hope Dante isn’t busy today because he is going to have to create a new circle in hell for this Christian Siriano.  The way this dress looks is what detox must feel like.  Speaking of hell, Hell No!

New York Fashion Week: Hugo Boss

That accordion pleat dress shall be mine

That accordion pleat dress shall be mine

If a person has lived in New York for 10+ years it’s hard to get them excited about, well, almost anything.  That is because, of course, they’ve been exposed to so much.  (As a side note, exposure can be good or bad – I’m talking about you, sir, from the uptown E train demonstrating your own version of break-away pants).  The one thing, however, that never fails to elicit a positive response from most New Yorkers, regardless of their level of jaded-ness, are the words: FASHION SHOW.

Fashion shows given by the actual fashion houses (i.e. vs charity related shows or shows given by department stores, etc) are pretty exclusive and their tickets are extremely difficult to procure – mainly because the shows are invitation only. Entree into almost every other event in NY can be bought at some price – this is generally not so with fashion shows unless someone goes rogue and sells their personal tickets.  I would never sell mine as I not only obsess over fashion but enjoy being the envy of others!  Plus, it’s fun amassing weird and interesting invitations such as this one from Hugo Boss:

These virtual reality glasses reminded me of the 3D glasses I got to see JAWS in 1983

These virtual reality glasses reminded me of the 3D glasses I got at McDonald’s in order to see JAWS in 1983

Another reason I’d never sell my tickets is that even though the actual show lasts for less than ten minutes (watch yesterday’s Boss show here), the event itself can take about an hour if you want to get there on time (GASP!) and celeb-watch as I shamelessly did.  Witness:

karlie

Karlie Kloss is presumably 8′ tall as I could see her over every head in the room.

Last, but certainly not least, fashion shows are an excuse to get as fashiony as you want.  I have been hoarding a spectacular Catherine Malandrino ice blue dress with the most incredible print for ages and decided to employ it yesterday:

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These gorgeous girls are strung together like pearls by their Rapunzel-like locks

The moral of this story is, of course, that you should incite envy whenever/however possible and if you can’t get tickets to a fashion show then you have no choice but to continue reading my blog for tips on how to create a lust-worthy wardrobe.

 

Film Festival Fashion Warm Up

42nd Deauville American Film Festival : Opening Ceremony

I hope you are taking your vitamins and doing your exercises, dear readers, because you will need to keep your strength up; Film festival season is upon us and there will be thousands of feet of red carpet to walk before we arrive at the end.  I’d like to suggest you wear sneakers on this arduous journey but, of course, that would be ludicrous!

Now let’s begin our warm up session by looking at a few favorites from the Venice and Deauville film festivals.  Diane Kruger’s Charlotte Olympia lucite clutch (above) is definitely getting my heart rate up.  In fact, it is stirring up a powerful storm of emotions within me and prevailing among these is covetousness.  I may need to take more than my vitamins in order to get that bag off my mind.  Let’s zoom out and ogle the entire look:

'The Infiltrator' Premieres At The Deauville Film Festival

I rarely support a sheer gown however, master that Elie Saab is, has given us something compelling here.  D. Kruger’s superlative genetics certainly advance this look but all of the gown’s components have inherent strength – the jeweled hearts, the black/red color combination, the thick velvet belt, and last but not least, the glorious CAPE:

 

FRANCE-US-FILM-FESTIVAL-DEAUVILLE-film

I’m also smitten with Amy Adams in Tom Ford:

'Nocturnal Animals' Premireres At The Venice Film Festival

I concede that it’s a very SAFE move to wear a metallic to an awards show but this gown is exponentially more than it’s hue – the cut, the drape, the fit, and the shine are perfectly suited to Amy who proved during her American Hustle days that she does disco like no one else.   I want to place an Oscar in her hand and call it a day.  She may not have that Oscar (yet) but I am still calling it a day.

 

Standing O or Hell No: The VMAs

This is Stella getting her groove back. Except this is Hailee.

This is Stella getting her groove back. Except this is Hailee.

It seems to me that the MTV Video Music Awards pose a similar problem for the music world as casual Fridays pose for the corporate world:  No one is sure exactly what is appropriate to wear.  Do you dress up (it IS an awards ceremony),  or pull a stunt (people like crazy, right?), or act like you’re above it all and dress down (this is Rock n Roll for Pete’s sake).  Let’s look at a few of these different approaches and determine which failed and which prevailed.

For me, Hailee Steinfeld (above) presented most on-theme for the evening.  She wore Balmain which, by nature, is edgy yet sophisticated – two perfect notes to hit for an event celebrating contemporary music.  Also the choice to wear color was brilliant and on point.  Much of Balmain is muted and metallic and often doesn’t translate in photos as well as it does in person.  This dress sings loudly, albeit in a very lovely French accent.   Standing O!

 

2016 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals

If this picture was a word, it’d be hyperbole.

Nikki Minaj also opted to dress up, though more formally than Hailee, and to do it with edge.  Let’s examine why this works (because sooooo much could’ve gone wrong here).  Clearly proportion-wise long sleeves do not make up for the fact that most of the top/sides are missing from this Bao Tranchi gown; and yet she manages to look refined.  You may argue this is because, in contrast to what she normally wears, this is relatively conservative.  However, I feel this look has independent merit – the color is glorious, the hair, make-up, and jewelry are perfectly understated and, above all, the fit is extraordinary.  Undoubtedly she presents like a music boss.  Standing O!

 

Proof that some people DO love the crazy.

Her cult following is proof that some people DO love the crazy.

A sample from Baddie Winkle’s Instagram bio: “Stealing your man since 1928.”  Hilarious and courageous but let’s face it, I’m never going to sign off on a nude bedazzled jumpsuit even if it is just a stunt – not for Kim Kardashian, not for Baddie Winkle, and not for anyone.  Hell No.

 

Alessia clearly doesn't Cara.

Alessia clearly doesn’t Cara.

If the MTV logos were not so prominently displayed in the background, I would assume this was Alessia Cara’s first-day-of-school photo except that it’s not even cute enough for the first day of school.  This looks like she’s a senior in high school, 8 months in, and has officially checked out until college begins.  Baddie Winkle might look like she’s off her rocker (metaphorically AND literally) but at least she has a sense of occasion.  No effort was expended here and that I cannot forgive.  Hell No.

Business Insider and Wardrobe Whisperer talk Trump

This man is not 7' tall as his tie suggests

This man is not 7′ tall as his tie length would like to suggest

For me, the photo above is like a red flag to a bull.  Incidentally most often Trump’s ties are red and I’m rather bullish and so you can see how I’m bringing this idiom full circle for you.  The bottom line (which, given the length of his tie, Trump does not believe in) is that this tie is too damn long.  There are many things for which to get mad at Trump, but it is my job to get mad at him for fashion and so this is my grievance.  Here’s what I told Business Insider about my feelings on this matter:

Donald Trump constantly makes one of the most offensive mistakes in men’s suiting

Shoe Blues

Aquazurra Linda Sandals2

I would cut my grandma for these Aquazurra shoes.

A few weeks ago I did a post on the dreaded plantar fascitis (micro tears in the foot) and how, frankly, it is ruining my world.  Well, dear readers, I’d love to tell you that I am STRONG and that I have OVERCOME but you all know me by now and so it will come as no surprise that I am still wallowing in my fashion grief and misery.  It’s becoming an obsession.  Instead of accepting this condition gracefully and handing over my extensive pump collection to my size 7 footed friends, I visit them (the pumps) in my closet daily as if they were prisoners.

To mix metaphors, I have become like a woman on a diet, circling the chocolate cupcakes at a party.  I spend an inordinate amount of time online and in stores drooling over shoes that will never be mine.  Want to join me?  No?  Too bad, you’re coming along anyway:

Go to hell, Dorothy.

Go to hell, Dorothy.

My first born for these shoes? I'll throw in my second born as well.

My first born for these Loubs? I’ll throw in my second born as well.

Hello, Satan? My soul is still available.

Hello, Satan? My soul is still available in exchange for these Prada python pumps.

Do you think these shoes would be as pretty if I had to wear them while riding a segway?

Do you think these Jimmy Choos would be as pretty if I had to wear them while riding a segway?

 

Standing O or Hell No: Margot Robbie

"Suicide Squad" - European Premiere - Red Carpet ArrivalsI toyed with naming this post “ferocious animals and whimsical botanicals” (which I’m also considering for the name of my first solo album). It’s a delightful concept for this Gucci gown in that it uses juxtaposition to great effect.  I’ve been staring at this piece for the better part of an hour and I have few answers for how the combination of feline, flowers, and fireflies is not TOO much embroidered together on one gown (and topped with sequins).  It’s exquisite and modern and FUN and anything but redundant.  I should also note that the fit is 100% perfect plus Margot Robbie is one of possibly only two women in Hollywood perfectly mated to this piece (the other being Diane Kruger).  Standing O, Margot, enchanté.

 

Life Hacking for Packing

bootcamp_logo2

Every year we take a week long vacation at my parents’ lake house in upstate NY.  It’s magical for many reasons, not the least of which is that we all drink heavily and pretend to watch each other’s children. (Which, of course, amounts to no one really watching any children and said children jumping wildly off the dock/various boats and not wearing life jackets.)

The other part of the magic is the backdrop and the diversity of weather that you encounter in a single day.  The mornings are temperate, the afternoons can be blazing, and the evenings are often chilly – not to mention that you are subject to crazy rainstorms at any moment in time.  This could make packing tricky but luckily, I’m a professional!  For last week’s adventure, I got myself and both kids packed in under thirty minutes and fit all of our clothing in one medium-sized suitcase.  This was a cinch given the challenge I was presented with a few weeks ago by two of my favorite LA-based clients, and the founders of Lifehack Bootcamp, Carey and Demir Gjokaj.

Carey’s and Demir’s challenge was this: to create a wardrobe for each of them for a full year that will work for all occasions (from hiking to giving presentations to meeting with clients to touring around), and span all climates since they’ll be living in Spain, Bali, Hawaii, and Columbia.  Oh!  Did I mention that each wardrobe had to fit in one CARRY-ON SIZED suitcase?  That’s right.  And, yes, we rocked it:

Travel Wardrobe Hacking with Jessica Cadmus, Wardrobe Whisperer

New Meaning for the Term Tanned Skin

alexander_mcqueen_solo

Those of us who know a lot about fashion often aren’t well-versed in sports.  For instance, if you want to know what the “infield fly rule” is or what a “double switch” is, ask my husband not me.  But although I’m firmly in the fashion camp, I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that I know what “shirts vs skins” means.  And it’s not what fashion designer, Tina Gorjac, thinks.  According to Quartz, Tina “is working on a project that will use McQueen’s DNA to grow skin, which she plans to tan and turn into leather jackets and bags. The skin will even bear tattoos based on the exact ‘locations, size, and design,’of McQueen’s.”  (Silence of the Lambs, anyone??)  To be clear, it’s shirts VS skins, not skin-shirts or jackets or bags.  It’s used to denote team affiliation in a pick-up game.  I end this post very disturbed because 1) people are growing human skin to make clothing and accessories and 2) I had to explain something related to sports.  It’s clearly time for a cocktail (which will also ensure my skin will be too dry for anyone to clone it and use it to make handbags).

Swar-Ov-Skee

Andra Day wearing a vintage dress and Marchesa shoes to the BET Awards

Often I sit down to write a post and think, “I have nothing to say” – my husband wishes I had that problem- but then I start surfing the internet and immediately become enraged or enthralled by something I see.  This is how things went today, for instance:

  1. I had nothing to say
  2. I started reviewing BET dresses and decided to post re: Andra Day’s cute vintage dress (above)
  3. I got sucked into a video about Beyonce’s BET performance on US Weekly online
  4. At 1:52 in the video the hostess describes the embellishment on Bey’s bodysuit as SAVARSKI crystals
  5. HOLD THE PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  6. My real post was born

Let’s clear this up right now because it is SELDOM that I hear anyone pronounce the Austrian crystal producer, Swarovski, correctly (and this includes people in the industry who should know better).  The proper pronunciation is swar-Ov-skee, emphasis on the second syllable.  If phonetics don’t make sense to you, here’s a video with Nathalie Colin, Swarovski’s Creative Director, and Gloria Gaynor, no intro needed, and both women say Swarovski by 0:23.

Thank you, YouTube, for solving the world’s problems (and my pet peeves) yet again.

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