Standing O or Hell No: SAG Red Carpet 2018

Uzo Aduba owning her princess moment.

The SAG red carpet last night made me feel as if the women had been forced to eat gruel for weeks on end and then out of nowhere someone offered them a huge bowl of ice cream.  Things felt happy, light, and easy as conveyed by the impressive amount of COLOR present; And chief among the colors was PINK.  The Globe’s all-black theme was important but definitely cast a dour mood on awards season which was balanced out by the levity of color last night.  Let’s take a closer peek.

One of my favorite looks of the night was Uzo Aduba (above).  She was transformed in her light pink Christian Riiano gown and Rita Hayworth hair.  Jaw-dropping: Standing O!

Tying Uzo in the light pink category was her Orange is the New Black cast-mate and Handmaid’s Tale star, Madeline Brewer, in Reem Acra:

I want to cut her head off this photo and insert my own.  My heart is pitter-pattering over this dress which possesses all of the elements I adore – it is PINK, it is uber feminine, it has a bustier top, it is flared, it is embellished, and it is exceedingly lovely.  (Confession: I wore this dress’s sister to a black tie wedding two weeks ago.)  The piece de resistance here, obviously, are those red Casadei shoes that reference her hair and lipstick.  Standing O!!!

Let’s inspect some other leading ladies who also opted to wear THEE color-of-the-night:

Laura Linney in J Mendel

 

Marissa Tomei

 

Dakota Fanning in Prada

Then the spin-offs of the light pink trend.  Here’s Vanessa Kirby in an embellished pink Valentino:

And Kristen Bell in a darker hue of pink:

 

Kristen Bell in a J Mendel bustier gown

Standing O to the Pinks above.  And then we are abruptly confronted with this ill-advised interpretation of a pink gown:

Note that I tried to soften the blow of Kate’s dress by providing a place to avert your eyes (Goldie).  Confoundingly this dress is Valentino. I would’ve said Moschino maybe but never would I dare soil the House of Valentino by suggesting they created this. Perhaps the designers at Maison Valentino were replete with food poisoning the day this was brought into existence?  In any case, I respect Kate for deviating from her usual body-baring formula but this was a (GIGANTIC) step too far in the wrong direction.  I don’t think even Stevie Nicks, she of the high-necked maxi dress with lace, could’ve pulled this off.  Hell No, Kate.

Speaking of dresses that were devastatingly wrong:

I can’t find a fashion credit (here’s me using “credit” loosely) for Kate Nash’s milk maiden gown. Perhaps it’s for the best that whoever created this lay low for awhile.  (Things are not bound to get better for you anytime soon, Sir or Madam.)  In a heart rending moment I witnessed an interview with Kate where she spoke of the triumphant instant at which she knew this was the right gown for her because it so accurately represented her personality.  In hindsight, that was maybe the wrong message to send to Hollywood.  Hell No.

I was startled and surprised to find that two of my favorite looks were a la The Globes all-black theme.  Felicity Huffman was a vision in Monsoori:

And Yara Shahidi in Ralph Lauren channeling Diana Ross was everything:

I’m not sure why the pants of this jumpsuit seem to be gobbling up her feet but Yara Shahidi was arguably the prettiest woman on the carpet last night.  Her outfit was nice and refreshing but I wish the pants were more tailored and shorter.  That aside, her hair was GLORIOUS and I will now and forever be present for that face.  It is perfection.  Standing O to both women in all black!

 

I remain confounded by whatever it is that has taken shape on Nicole’s shoulder – a serpent? A flower? Smeagol from The Lord of the Rings? I’m willing to get comfortable with whatever it is simply because the rest of her is flawless.  She reportedly has the flu and somehow brought this look to LIFE.  Her hair was especially good and often it is the element that diminishes.  The fit and color of this Armani are exquisite.  And her face is glowing which may be from Scarlet Fever but no matter!! Standing O!

 

Danielle Brooks in Marc Bouwer DELIVERED! Ombre! Sequins! Perfect decolletage! Standing O!

 

Standing O or Hell No: Golden Globes 2018

Roger that, Hollywood!  We hear you loud and clear.  What surprised me the most about last night’s Golden Globes was not the overwhelming adherence to the all-black dress code or the fact that the show lasted 3.5 hours but, instead, that Hollywood remained UNSWERVINGLY on topic all evening.  The awards were an after-thought and sadly the fashion was a thought even after that.  Listen, I support this message because I honestly (and sadly) do not know a single woman (and many men) who cannot say #MeToo (whether she voices it publicly or lives with it inwardly).  Everyone’s story varies in degree and severity, of course, but in my experience every woman has some story.  That, to me, is a heart-wrenching reality and deserves the focus it is currently being given.  But let us be clear, this banding together is not a condemnation of all men by any measure.  It’s easy for that to become the take-away; However, that would lead to a dismissal of a worthy cause which would be a mistake.  There are so many bright and shining examples of male strength and humility and support out there and they should be celebrated and emulated; And yet still there remains a need to shake the bad apples from the tree.  (Can someone help me down from my soap box now?? These stilettos are kinda high.)

All that to say that as much as I support the out-ing of these flagrant monsters, I must also stand in solidarity to protect the fashion.  For me, a pin or a ribbon would’ve carried the same message and the fashion would not have also stood victim.  Admittedly there were many pretty dresses but overall I was underwhelmed.  Personally I derive levity and buoyancy from fashion and color and so the all-black turn out, despite doing what it intended to do, was just too somber for me.  Which, of course, was the point.

Let’s take a closer look at those who executed best on the all black theme.  One of my overall favorites of the night was Catherine Zeta Jones (above).  ROYALTY.  This women is approaching 50:

She took my breath away in this Zuhair Murad. I typically would not be enthusiastic about a sheer-bottomed gown but CZJ owned this look.  Her body is exquisite as is her skin and HER HAIR!  Perfectly feline.  Standing O!!  (Also, note the use of emerald jewels which was a pervasive theme on last night’s carpet.)

Here’s another well-executed variation on the sheer theme:

Before last night I would’ve said there was no universe in which I’d nominate a sheer-bottomed dress, with boy shorts beneath, as a best-dressed contender.  And yet.  Kate Hudson is radiant in Valentino.  In my perfect world the bottom would not be see-through but from waist-up she looks so divine I have to give her a Standing O.

 

When rumors began to circulate of an all-black dress code, it was predicted we’d see many women in trousers and tuxedo-like outfits, which we did.  And yet Alexis Bledel’s Chanel leaf-topped pantsuit was a happy surprise for me.  She looks elegant and lovely and completely on point.  Standing O!

Allow me to highlight one of those bright and shining examples of strong, humble, supportive (and GORGEOUS) men:

The fact that I can’t find a full-length photo of Common is a crime.  He looked magnificent as usual and I adore that he wore a dragon fly on his lapel, which symbolizes change – specifically change in perspective.  Bravo, Common, Standing O!

 

I love that Zoe Kravits used this all-black moment to wear a simple and tailored gown in order to highlight the stunning architecture of her perfect face.  (Note the appearance of emerald earrings again – these providing her a perfect frame.)  Keep in mind this post is not order specific – Zoe was one of my most favorites last night.  She is lovely to a heart-stopping degree.  I cannot peel my eyes away.  Standing O!

 

Sartorially, I typically feel most aligned with Diane Kruger.  I love that her intrinsic fashion sense is classic yet she is always modern and never afraid to take risks while always being overtly feminine.  In short, she resides near the top of my girl-crush list and the way she looks in this Prada bolsters her standing.  Speaking of standing: Standing O!

And speaking of girl crushes, I can simply never ignore this woman.  She is one of my true loves:

Penelope Cruz’s Ralph and Russo is pretty if derivative of a thousand other red carpet gowns.  But Penelope the woman is a remarkable beauty.  Standing O for transcending this dour color and looking luminous as ever!

 

This photo is priceless because it’s a two-in-one.  Both Octavia Spencer and Jessica Chastain look stunning individually and as a team are even more effervescent.  Standing O!

 

Gal Gadot in this simple but perfectly tailored Tom Ford was the portrait of sophistication.  Her classic red-lip and updo were exactly what this outfit called for.  She looks sublime.  Standing O!

As a bestie of mine rightly pointed out, I need to pay homage to the over 50 crowd because they were killing it last night.  As the finest representative of that set, let’s collectively admire an absolutely electric Helen Mirren:

Standing O!

And finally, while this is not my favorite dress (wish it was long and didn’t have bell sleeves) who among us would not want to stand up in front of a room full of our peers looking like this:

Halle Berry defies age and apparently gravity.  One more view so we can adequately admire her timeless body.  I mean beauty:

If I had those legs I’d also don a mini-dress.  Every.  Single.  Day.

 

 

Christmas Shopping: The Untold Story

A few days before Christmas my husband took the kids out to a few stores so they could do some shopping of their own.  They were heavy into the Christmas spirit this year and really wanted to GIVE (At last!!  A glimmer of hope that that they will turn into thoughtful people someday!)  To prepare, they thought long and hard about each person they were buying for and became determined to nail their selections.  Apparently my 5 year old was feeling a little indecisive about what to get me.  She cycled through a few ideas but wasn’t satisfied.  Lip gloss? Nah.  Headbands? Good but not perfect.  Until they stopped at Barnes and Nobles and, as it was reported to me, the decision made itself.  Apparently her eyes alighted on a book cover (featured above) at which point she swiped it off the shelf, handed it to her father with full confidence stating, “Here daddy.  THIS is PERFECT for mommy.”

I’m hoping she felt this way because, in her eyes, I’m as glamorous as Beyonce and not because she feels I’d like to wear a sequins body suit with hip extenders sewn into it.  Either way I love it and can’t wait to tear into it.  I’ll be sure to report back on any and all pearls (diamonds?) of wisdom.  There’s no doubt they will be boundless.  Sorta like the platforms on those heels she’s sporting.

 

I’m sorry: I went to see Is Fashion Modern

I have a confession to make: I went to the Is Fashion Modern exhibit at the MoMa without you.  I know I know I know!!  You wanted to go.  In my defense, it was a last minute thing and I found myself in midtown and I meant to just run through and return another time with you, but then I found myself anchored in front of each piece unable to move.

Another confession:  THE EXHIBIT IS EXQUISITE!  It’s so very good that I had to overcome my shame in going without you and bring myself to confess because even if you don’t forgive me, the more important thing is that you GO TO THE EXHIBIT!  It explores everything from the idea of the Little Black Dress – an ancient go-to as it turns out (above) to technological accessories like the Walkman.  The latter was particularly fascinating because it explored the piece as a tool used to defend the wearer against public interaction which is called Existenzmaximum.  Triple points for an exhibit that makes me feel prepared to play Trivial Pursuit!

Also of note – I came face to outerwear (?) with the original sleeping-bag-coat as designed by one of my fashion heroines, Norma Kamali.  For me, this was like being in front of the Mona Lisa sans glass shield.  Ta-Da!:

The excerpt near this piece was especially delightful because it is a recount by Norma of the time she went camping and had to get up to go pee in the middle of the night; As she was running into the woods with her sleeping bag wrapped around her for warmth, she thought to herself I need to sew arms into this thing! Lo and behold, she did just that, and to her great notoriety.

Another enduring image below.  This look by YSL is just as relevant today as it was in the 70s:

I sense I am now in the territory of committing yet another crime – that of spoiler alert.  Therefore, I will quit revealing tidbits post-haste.

Ok – stop being mad already and just go see this gem.  It’s running through January 28th.  And, as an added bonus, you can stop by the exceptionally moving Louise Bourgeois exhibit also running through January 28th.  Here’s but one amazing image of her famous spiders to entice you…

Who among us does not want to don a cape?

Last week I was just trolling along (the internet) minding my own business when I was accosted by this Alexander McQueen flared cape dress.  She was so boldly confrontational – I mean, look at that stance!  Typically I’m not one for drama unless that drama comes in the form of a cape and then I am ALL IN.  As you can imagine, we tussled, she won and now she’s in my closet.  I barely stood a chance.  I need to remain vigilant at all times or she might stab me in this back:

I feel as if this particular struggle will be enduring, yet I’ll find a way to make my peace with it.

It’s cold, dammit

SPORTMAX Laced Double Cashmere Coat

Dear Weather,

You want to bring out the big guns, huh?  Well here’s little old me hitting you with my best shot.  Fire away.

With(out) affection,

Wardrobe Whisperer

The Therapeutic Pumpkin

Halloween is shaping up to be terrifying this year – but not for reasons you might guess.  My list of Halloween Horrors 2017:

  1. Having a meeting in the epicenter of Halloween shenanigans: the West Village (I have one tomorrow!)
  2. The general lack of courteousness and, more to the point, SOBRIETY in the West Village
  3. The general lack of Ubers in the West Village

I have a secret fear that I will get down there and not be able to get out due to the expected bedlam in the neighborhood.  Everyone takes to the streets under the guise of watching or participating in the parade but really it’s just an excuse to get wasted and fall down in the middle of an avenue.  I am wearing sneakers and I will be prepared to run if need be – whether from ghouls, from ghosts, or from a bevy of young girls in “sexy nurse” costumes.

I have attempted to suppress my fears by turning to something I find very calming and therapeutic – pumpkin carving (AKA Styling a Pumpkin).  I know this will shock many of you considering I am not one who has ever been able to CRAFT on any level with any medium.  However, pumpkins and I understand one another.  They are surprisingly yielding if you have the right tools; I wish I could say the same for the West Village.  Alas, this year I fell in love with an image of a unicorn and executed the above pumpkin.  No stencils were used in the making of any of these pumpkins:

My cute sisters came over for the carving session and turned out the two beauties on either end of mine.  Tomorrow, no doubt, I will be drawing upon the Zen act of creating these.  Happy Halloween, dear readers.  I wish you loads of candy, and most of all, a detour away from the West Village.

 

Bottega Veneta and the Art of Glam

The other day my bestie texted to say how much she’s been hating fashion ads lately but that she both LOVES this Bottega Veneta ad as well as the outfit it features on Grace P Cheng.  I am in whole-hearted agreement.  That which I love here:

  1.  The fact that Bottega Veneta’s F/W 2017 collection is overtly and unabashedly feminine
  2.  The subtle but powerful use of texture (the brocade bag, the fur-shouldered blouse, the accordion pleat skirt, the whip-stitch gloves, the chained pin)
  3.  The completely current color combination of black and gold and cognac
  4. Grace Cheng’s FACE.  And hair.  And attitude.  And general awesomeness.

Bottega Veneta has been killing it lately by embracing cold-hard glamour.  Last night they sponsored the Hammer Gala and rolled out these ultra-glam A+ looks:

You know how all musicians wish they wrote Wonderwall? In much the same way I wish I had created the thoroughly modern, not-at-all-boring-yet-completely staid outfit that Zachary Quinto was chosen to sport.

 

The embroidered flowers on Camilla Belle’s dress are so elegant and perfectly tie to her lipstick.  Details matter.

I am unmoved by Sistine Rose Stalone’s belly-baring tube top but I would engage in hand to hand combat for that jacket.

 

I predict that these stripes will do good things for the continuing career of Marissa Tomei.

Why boots are the security blankets of adult women

Many MANY things can go awry in the course of a day but if you find yourself kicking it in your favorite boots somehow you feel impervious to these outside forces.  Boots are like krypton.  More accurately, boots are like a woman’s security blanket.  There is something so satisfying and comforting in the way boots embrace your legs (if they are tall) and envelope your feet.  What is not to love about a footwear that HUGS its wearer?  Not to mention that they provide heat when the temperatures dip and, as we all well know, coziness equals love.  I’d be hard-pressed to identify a woman who does not get PUMPED to shop for boots each fall.  In fact, it’s the number one thing I’ve been discussing with my female clients this month: which ones, what heights, and which colors.  The good news is that there exist so many correct formulas.

One detail I am demanding this fall is a covered heel.  I don’t want a stack nor do I even want a novelty heel.  I want that bad boy to blend and provide an ultra sleek aesthetic.  Case in point is the Aquazzura Brera Tall Boot in tan featured above.  This boot is my number one favorite at this moment for its simplicity, color, and heel.  Let it be known that I have seated myself front and center on the tan/cognac bandwagon that’s been cruising around. It is my preferred neutral of this season.

Another current favorite:

That studded Y is for YASSSSSSSSSSSSS PLEASE!  And also for YSL obviously.  More specifically the Saint Laurent Studded Grace Knee Boot.

If you’re in the market for a bootie…

 

this little lady is stealing my heart.  Look at that demure pose! She’s so lovely.  And the patent leather covered heel?  Dreamy!  This Stella Luna Ruffle Trimmed boot needs to become part of my life this fall.  And perhaps yours as well?

Lastly, but not leastly (?!), I am FEELING a white boot:

These Gianvito Rossi Laura Knee Boots are so OF THE MOMENT.  Please, Forces of the Universe, let it come to pass that I wear these very boots as soon as possible paired with my white shadow mink fur coat.  Is that too much to ask from you?  (Don’t answer that question.)

Standing O or Hell No: Emmy Awards 2017

The only job that Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz should have is to create more humans that look like this.

It’s officially awards season and I’m officially swooning!  Thank you, good ladies of the Emmys, for giving us something to DISCUSS:

First bullet point – Zoe Kravits of Big Little Lies in Dior (above).  The degree of complexity on this dress is HIGH.  On the wrong girl this gown would read Fraggle Rock but on Zoe its transcendent.  An excerpt from a text I sent to my SISTER-girl, Venessa:

Girlfriend looked like a 2 year old cut her hair then slapped Vaseline in it and she’s still a straight 10.   Standing O, Zoe!

 

When I’m “seeing red,” if it could be this exact hue, the world would be a different place.

THIS dress.  This DRESS.  THIS DRESS!! I would not have pegged this as a Calvin Klein but sometimes his genius prevails.  The rhinestone elements are making it necessary for me to breathe into a brown paper bag.  Not to be negative but I would say that Nicole’s head has looked more perfect in other applications but obviously she is still killing it here.  Maybe it’s just that her hair is a wee bit limp.  No matter: Standing O!

 

I rarely think that pants are as effective as a dress on the red carpet but this is the clear exception.  Claire Foye in those rhinestones and shoulder cape are winning on the red carpet and at life in general.  Standing O!

 

Yara Shahidi in Prada makes me long for my youth.  Her skin looks like the night stars are shining from within her.  The dress and belt are the things that dreams are made of.  Standing O!

 

One thousand points for Effective Use of Color.  Viola Davis wearing this orange Zac Posen is an image I will be holding on to when it is cold and dark and I need something to comfort me in a time of deep distress.  Standing O!

There were so many good looks but people I HAVE A DAY JOB and my clients are waiting.  Not to end on a sour note but wha-wha:

 

A cold Winter indeed.

Remember that time of deep distress I mentioned moments ago?  Witness Ariel Winter.  Hell No!

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